The Trickster and the Telepath
by masterofthefall
Summary: One god fallen from grace. One impossible SHIELD agent who's locked herself - and her heart - away. Put those two together and what do you get? A whole lot of secrets, a whole lot of angst, three books, and of course, one very uncomfortable Agent Coulson. What happens when the Trickster meets the Telepath? And what will happen when they start to save each other...
1. Out From Under

**BOOK ONE**

_always alone_

* * *

><p><strong>ONE<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Knocked off my feet<em>

_The earth moved beneath_

_The edge of a dream and a nightmare_

_Open the door_

_Fell through the floor_

_Slipped through the cracks into nowhere_

_So tell me where were you_

_When everything fell down like thunder_

_I begged you to pull me through_

_I couldn't get out from under_

_I took the fall_

_I took it all_

_Last night was just an illusion_

_- "Out From Under," Red_

* * *

><p>In a barren desert, a god had fallen from the sky.<p>

He lay crumpled on the sand, his body aching, bruised, and burned.

He had fallen so far and so fast that it was a wonder he was still alive.

He lay on the sand for an eternity. Or maybe it was only an hour. His mind was confused and he could not think straight.

Either way, when the black cars came, he was disappointed.

He had wished they would leave him to die.

After all, that was the reason he had fallen.

* * *

><p>Agent Phil Coulson of S.H.I.E.L.D. got out of the government vehicle, slamming the door, and walked towards the body on the sand of Death Valley. Whoever it was had fallen from the sky about three days ago, about the time when Thor had gone back to Asgard. It appeared that this person had <em>also<em> come from Asgard, despite by a more… unconventional way.

He sighed. More paperwork.

The body was being lifted onto a stretcher, and an agent ran up to him.

"Sir, the person is still alive, but has sustained massive burns and extensive bruising. He hasn't spoken yet, but we believe that it might be Thor's brother, sir, the one who, uh, blew up that town in New Mexico."

Coulson looked at the agent.

"Maximum security," he said.

The agent saluted and went back to his Jeep.

Coulson opened his phone and dialed Nick Fury.

"Sir, we've recovered the stray comet."

Code words were essential, as even _his_ phone could be hacked or bugged. Fury had enemies in high places.

"We think it might have been the one that passed very near to that town in New Mexico. The one that… caused all that damage."

Fury sighed. "Affirmative. Is it under maximum guard, Agent?"

"Yes, sir."

"I've been told things about him. And about what he can do, what he is _capable_ of doing. Coulson, do you understand what _we_ have to do?"

Coulson rolled his eyes. Fury was always so melodramatic. "Frankly, I was thinking of trying to get Thor down here to drag his ass back to Asgard."

"Agent, this line is not secure."

"Yes, sir."

"Coulson, we're going to have to bring in Agent Cooper."

Coulson took off his sunglasses, stunned.

"Sir, I'm not sure that would be wise… hasn't she refused? Over and over?"

"If it comes down to a government order, Coulson, she won't be able to. I'm sending her in tomorrow, early, so make sure you're ready."

The line went dead.

Coulson sighed, rubbing his temples. Cooper made him uneasy. As one of the most senior agents at S.H.I.E.L.D., he had been one of the ones to approve her for training… training that she had completed faster than any other agent. Well, except for Romanoff, but she had been a spy and assassin _before_ her training.

He knew what Cooper could do.

Never mind that she hadn't done… any of it for almost five years now.

She still put him on edge.

He'd rather have a magic-serum super-soldier any day.


	2. Stranger Than Fiction

**TWO**

* * *

><p><em>It's stranger than fiction<em>

_How you've decayed_

_It must be so lonely_

_Lost within your ways_

_You're born alone, you die alone_

_The rest is yours to fill the gap_

_The world goes on without you here_

_Adjust or just collapse_

_Is this what you wanted to be_

_Alone standing by yourself_

_Is this all you wanted to be_

_Or was that a cry for help_

_By yourself, by yourself, by yourself_

_- "Stranger Than Fiction," Five Finger Death Punch_

* * *

><p>Agent Alana Cooper walked down the gleaming halls of the highly classified military hospital. She could still remember the one that <em>she<em> had stayed in, back when she was sixteen.

Except this time, she wasn't a patient.

Whispers and murmurs from fellow agents followed her as she walked down towards the patient's room.

She was used to them.

That didn't mean she liked it. Her situation was classified, but rumors always leaked out. Even here, in a new city, with different agents, her story had been whispered.

They couldn't guess how bad it really was.

Her phone vibrated, and she picked it up. It was Natasha, one of the few friends she had made back in New York.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I'm not really sure… Coulson refused to tell me over the phone, just what hospital room I should report to," Alana replied.

"Well, make sure you give him mysterious looks. Tell me how many times he looks uncomfortable."

Alana smiled. "Will do."

She hung up, and paused for a second. She had arrived at the hospital room.

She peered into the window and saw Coulson inside, talking with a doctor. He noticed her, and, looking slightly uncomfortable, walked outside, closing the door behind him.

"Agent Cooper."

"Sir."

"Fury told me he was sending you in early. He didn't say that it would be _this_ early."

"He told me to take the first flight out, sir, and that happened to be the 1:09 AM flight."

Coulson shifted from one foot to the other. "Look, Cooper, I have to be honest with you. I'm still not sure that you are the right person for the job. Despite your training records, you're still relatively inexperienced, and this is a really, really, _really_ big job."

Alana looked at him calmly. "Sir, with all due respect, I don't think that Fury has any other choice. If this person is who you think he is, then I'm our best option. Either that or placing a squadron around him until Thor comes back or he breaks loose."

Coulson sighed. He knew she was right. "This way."

He led her down the hall a bit, into a room that had a two-way mirror in it. The other side was in the hospital room that Coulson had vacated. Lying on the white bed was a man who looked to be in his early twenties, just like Alana. He had long, dark hair, and pale skin. He was awake, and the stillness with which he lay made him seem like a trapped animal.

Either a trapped animal, or the predator waiting to strike.

The only thing that was moving was his cold green eyes that were flashing all over the place.

Alana asked, "How long is he expected to stay in the hospital?"

"Only for a day more, they think. His body is healing itself very quickly, but not, apparently, healing in a normal way. It's almost as if he's being influenced by an outside energy source, one that heals."

"So, magic." Alana stated.

Coulson looked at her. "Sure. For want of a better word, it's magic."

"Well. The magician and the girl with the changing eyes. Sounds like a bad movie."

She laughed a bit, and Coulson felt even more uncomfortable.


	3. Falling Inside The Black

**THREE**

* * *

><p><em>Falling in the black<em>

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back_

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back_

_Falling inside the black_

_Falling inside, falling inside the black_

_- "Falling Inside The Black," Skillet_

* * *

><p>Loki was watching, and waiting, and listening. He took in every word spoken, analyzing and dissecting them, but spoke none. He watched the movements of the people outside, searching for a weak-willed person that he could use.<p>

He waited for an opportunity to escape.

The head agent, Coulson, frequently came in to talk to the doctors.

And just now, he had heard whispers in the hallway, and seen a young woman's face looking through the window of his door. Coulson had noticed and immediately left. He could hear them talking somewhere close by, but failed to comprehend what they were saying.

His train of thought was interrupted as the door opened and the young woman who had looked through the door and Coulson walked in.

His first impression of the woman was her eyes. They were piercing gray that seemed to analyze and assess every portion of his soul. Her hair was brown and long, braided back neatly, reaching to the small of her back. She wore a S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform in dark blue, but carried no weapon.

He scanned her, quickly, seeing if her mind was weak, and was astounded when he hit an impenetrable wall, as it were, around her entire mind. It was the strongest mind that he had felt so far.

He regarded her in a different light and wondered why her mind was so sealed off.

Coulson said to Loki, "This is Agent Cooper."

When Loki did not respond, he said, "I'll leave you two alone," and walked out of the room.

The young woman pulled out her phone and hit a few buttons.

"Yes, it's me. We just finished talking. Three minutes, and I counted at _least_ five times."

The person on the other end laughed and said something indistinct.

"Yeah, definitely. I'll see how many more I can get before I have to leave. Bye, Tasha."

She put her phone away, still grinning.

"Sorry about that," she said. "A couple of my friends have a bet going on how many times I can make Coulson uncomfortable within a certain period of time."

She smirked and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I think Clint underestimates me."

Loki just looked at her.

"Oh, I'm Alana, by the way. Please don't call me Agent Cooper. It's so… weird."

She made a face.

"I don't know if Coulson's told you this, but I'm the one you're going to be staying with. Well, I say 'staying with', Coulson says 'guarded by'."

Loki said nothing. It was not surprising that government agents would be guarding him. He had expected that.

What he hadn't expected was one young woman.

She couldn't be much more than twenty-one.

Either Coulson underestimated him, or there was something else going on.

"What's your name?" she asked.

There was a pause, and then he said reluctantly, "I am Loki."

"Like the Norse god?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes. Exactly like the Norse god."

She smiled.

There was a pause, and then she asked, "Is it really true that you have an eight-legged horse for a kid?"

Loki sat up straight in his bed, a look of horror on his face.

"Sleipnir? You mortals think he is my _child_? That is revolting!"

Alana laughed. "Sorry. And… would that be a no on the giant wolf as well?"

Loki sank back into the pillows and covered his face with his hands. "Thor," he mumbled, "it must have been Thor. It _had_ to have been Thor…"

"Why would Thor do that?" Alana asked curiously. At Loki's inquisitive look, she said dismissively, "Yeah, I know who Thor is, big angry thunder guy, but why? Seems kinda immature."

Loki smirked a bit at her description of Thor.

"He's – " Loki was about to say _my brother_, then remembered his true parentage and his brow darkened. "- a person I know."

Alana saw his change of mood and said nothing.

They sat in silence for a while, then Alana said, "I have to go now, but Coulson will probably want me to tell you this, in case you get any… ideas."

Loki narrowed his eyes.

Alana stood up. "You may be the god of mischief, but be assured that I am _completely_ capable of taking you down at any given moment. You might think that because I'm a woman, or young, that I can be taken advantage of. Then, you wouldn't be only wrong, you'd be dead, too. Many, many people have underestimated me. I urge you to _not _make the same mistake."

She smiled brightly and walked out of the room.


	4. Fight Inside

**FOUR**

* * *

><p><em>What I fear and what I've tried,<em>

_Words I say and what I hide._

_All the pain, I want it to end_

_But I want it again._

_And it finds me_

_The fight inside is coursing through my veins._

_And it's raging_

_The fight inside is breaking me again._

_I'm still the same, pursuing pain._

_Is it worth all that I've gained?_

_We both know how this will end,_

_But I'd do it again._

_- "Fight Inside," Red_

* * *

><p>Alana had not been lying or exaggerating in what she had said to Loki. In fact, she might have been understating the truth.<p>

The truth was that Alana was impossible. She was telepathic and telekinetic, able to move objects and read people's minds. Her gray eyes changed color depending on whose mind she was reading.

Such a gift came with a high price.

Her family had been killed and she kidnapped by an evil crime lord who forced her to become his assassin; it was only through the help of a very famous detective that she escaped and the crime lord was caught.

She had been told her ten-year old brother, Oliver was held hostage. It was for this reason that she had done the criminal's bidding; only to find out he was dead.

She had been shot while single-handedly fighting said crime lord and his private army.

Healing in the hospital, she chose to never use her powers again and to not endanger anyone else by becoming too close to them.

The government had referred her to S.H.I.E.L.D. after she was healed. They were aware of her… uniqueness. She had trained and succeeded, all without aid of her powers.

She had been only sixteen when this happened.

She now suffered from PTSD, which gave her terrible nightmares. She kept it well under wraps, but it weighed on her like a blanket of lead.

She had been asked to use her powers by S.H.I.E.L.D., and refused. But now, with Loki, she was _ordered_ to use her powers to take him down if necessary.

She really hoped that it wouldn't be.

But at the same time, she longed for it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks to all the very kind people who have followed/favorited and to my guest reviewer from the last chapter! If you'd like to know Alana's full backstory, read my fanfic The Girl with the Changing Eyes. You might catch a couple of Easter eggs in here if you do. ;)**


	5. Gollum's Song

**FIVE**

* * *

><p><em>These tears we cry<em>

_Are falling rain_

_For all the lies_

_You told us_

_The hurt, the blame!_

_And we will weep_

_To be so alone_

_We are lost!_

_We can never go home_

_So in the end_

_I will be - what I will be_

_No loyal friend_

_Was ever there for me_

_- "Gollum's Song," Emiliana Torrini_

* * *

><p>Loki had been healed completely, thanks to his magic. Humans were so slow at healing. He was wearing an olive green shirt and black pants. The shirt had originally been red. Magic was very useful sometimes.<p>

He hated red.

His hands bound in handcuffs, (quite primitive, but it apparently made the humans feel safer,) and escorted by eight S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, he approached the private plane that was being provided to get him to New York.

Loki _really_ didn't like planes, mostly because they reminded him of Thor. Noisy, and flying.

As he drew closer, he saw Alana poke her head out of the plane and then do a double-take, walking out of the plane and yelling at the head agent escorting him. She then returned inside the plane.

The head agent motioned disgruntledly to the agent closest to Loki, who grudgingly removed his handcuffs. Loki rubbed his wrists and smirked at the agents. Obviously, Alana was overconfident in her ability to control him.

That would soon change.

* * *

><p>Alana spoke briefly to the pilot of the jet and then returned to her seat, checking the situation out the window of the jet. Loki had been released from the handcuffs, thank goodness. <em>What <em>Coulson was thinking, she had no idea. Loki may have been mischievous, but they only had Thor's word that the person who destroyed the town was his brother Loki.

And why had Loki not called Thor his brother? That would have certainly made more sense… but she had seen his reaction when she had talked about Thor, and it had been angry. And… vulnerable?

Her thoughts were interrupted by Loki's arrival into the jet. He looked around suspiciously, rubbing his wrists, then sat in a window seat farthest from the front and from Alana.

"Wrists doing okay?" Alana asked tentatively. "I asked Coulson not to do that, but he doesn't really listen to me. Well, he is my superior, but…"

She trailed off, as Loki showed no sign of interest.

They sat in silence until the pilot announced to fasten their seat belts. Alana took out a worn paperback while Loki stared out the window.

Since Loki had said nothing, Alana dove into her book. It was one of her favorites. She had read it many times, but always found new things every time she reread it.

Loki looked out the window.

* * *

><p>After about two and a half hours, Loki grew bored with watching out the window.<p>

Instead, he decided to plan methods of escape.

Obviously, he could not escape at the moment; he was in a plane. But perhaps when they reached the airport he could become invisible and lose Alana in the crowd.

He stared at her, wondering again why S.H.I.E.L.D. had entrusted him to one young woman.

She was absorbed in her book, her mouth a little open, a strand of hair falling over her eyes. Her head rested on her hand.

He supposed she was pretty, in the Midgardian style, slender but strong, with a face that needed no makeup.

But then again, she _was_ Midgardian, and therefore (obviously) beneath him.

So he regarded her not with desire or with longing, but with a look more suitable to a fly or a snake… something that had crawled in.

Alana's lips quirked at something amusing in her book.

Then she looked up and saw Loki staring at her, giving him a quizzical glance and tucking the strand of hair behind her ear a little self-consciously.

Loki turned back to the window again.


	6. Here We Are

**SIX**

* * *

><p><em>So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars.<em>

_I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye._

_The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone._

_I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye._

_- "Here We Are," Breaking Benjamin_

* * *

><p>After they landed at the airport, Loki scrapped his plans of escape; the airport was far too empty for him to turn invisible.<p>

He resigned himself to one of his other plans of escape, the one he had been most reluctant to follow through with. It consisted of him lulling Alana into a false sense of security, then escaping when she least expected it.

He hated that plan. He wanted to leave as soon as possible.

* * *

><p>Alana drove the black car that was waiting for them at the airport.<p>

"It's mine," she told Loki cheerfully. "S.H.I.E.L.D. always wants to get chauffeurs, but I'd rather drive myself. At least they bought the car!"

She laughed.

Loki looked out the window and said nothing.

Alana sighed a little. She guessed that Loki didn't want to talk, but it still disappointed her a bit. Living with a person who pretty much refused to talk to her would not be so great.

But then again, he _had_ just fallen from the sky and almost died.

Alana decided to give him some time and space to figure out what he wanted to do.

She drove the rest of the way in silence, stopping only to type in a security code and give her fingerprint to the pad at the gate.

The metal gates opened with a _clunk_ and she drove through, the gates closing behind her.

"There's a lot of security on the outside. Sometimes I think that S.H.I.E.L.D. wants to keep me in one place for as long as possible. Oh, and tomorrow I'll program your fingerprint in so that you can get inside, too."

Loki glanced at her, puzzled. Did that mean she was going to let him out?

The car parked outside of a large, modern house, all glass and sleek black. Only two or three lights were on inside, not fully illuminating the house in the dark of the night.

Alana stepped out of the car and breathed in deeply. It was always nice to be back home and smell the fresh air and the trees. Loki stepped out of the car too, taking in his surroundings.

Alana walked up into the house and entered her fingerprint and the passcode again. The doors unlocked and she stepped inside, Loki following her.

She flicked on a light switch and Loki saw a spacious room with comfortable leather chairs and sofas. A bowl of fruit sat on a low coffee table.

She walked up the stairs and opened the door furthest down the hallway with Loki following silently.

"This is your room," she said.

Loki looked at the pale gray walls, the black comforter, and the black desk. The room was large, though not the size of his on Asgard. Glass doors led out to a small balcony overlooking a swimming pool. It was neat and tidy.

"It will be adequate," he said.

Alana smiled tentatively. "I expect you're pretty tired. I'll show you around in the morning, if you like."

Loki nodded curtly.

Alana added, "If you need anything, I'm just down the hall."

Loki looked coldly at her. "What would I need from you?'

Alana shrugged, then said, "Goodnight," and left, closing the door on her way out.

Loki wandered around the room, examining the adjoining bathroom and flipping through some books he found on the bookshelves.

He paused as he found a leather-bound sketchbook lying on the bottom shelf. It was blank, but as he flipped through it, he found a scrap of paper tucked in between two pages. On it, the word _hide _was written over and over again.

Loki paid it no mind, closing the book and placing it back on the shelf.

Pulling off his shirt, he fell into the bed, worn out from his day of travel.

He slept uneasily, haunted with dreams of falling.


	7. World So Cold

**SEVEN**

* * *

><p><em>I never thought<em>

_I'd feel this_

_Guilty and I'm_

_Broken down inside_

_Living with myself_

_Nothing but lies_

_I always thought_

_I'd make it_

_But never knew I'd_

_Let it get so bad_

_Living with myself_

_Is all I have_

_- "World So Cold," Three Days Grace_

* * *

><p>The next morning, Loki was awakened by sunlight streaming through the window. A small clock next to his bed read 10:30. He didn't usually sleep in late, but perhaps it was what Midgardians called "jetlag".<p>

The clothes that had been provided by S.H.I.E.L.D. were simple and few. Loki dressed in a gray shirt and black jeans before washing his face in the bathroom sink.

He opened his door slowly, peering out. He was surprised that his door had not been locked. He could see lights on downstairs and smelled something warm and invigorating.

He stepped out into the hallway and cautiously walked downstairs.

Alana was curled in a leather chair with her back to him, wearing sweatpants and a loose blue shirt. Over her shoulder, he could see that she had a sketchpad in front of her and was drawing. Her hair was put in a messy bun, secured by… sticks?

When she stuck her pencil in her bun and took out a blue one, his confusion dissipated slightly.

He silently walked up behind her chair, gazing at her drawing. She was drawing a pair of cold blue eyes that were incredibly lifelike and seemed to look with detachment on Loki, as if he were a vaguely interesting fly on the wall.

She made another stroke on the eye, then closed her book and stood up, stretching. She obviously had not noticed him yet. Her back still to him, she walked around a low table and into a white kitchen, where she pulled out a mug and began to fill it with a brown liquid. He realized this must be what had smelled so good.

She turned around and saw him in the living room. "Good morning," she said with a yawn. "Coffee?"

He shrugged. Her eyes widened. "Have you _never_ had coffee before?"

"No," he replied. "There is no such thing on Asgard."

"How do you _survive _the mornings?" she mumbled, mostly to herself as she filled up another mug and gave it to him.

He took a small sip. It was warm and rich, with an unusual flavor that he couldn't describe.

"Good, huh?" Alana said, yawning again.

He nodded, reluctantly.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. "I'm not a great cook, but we've got cereal and fruit and I can make toast or eggs, if you want."

Loki's stomach rumbled. He had forgotten that he had not eaten in over 24 hours, what with all the traveling.

"I'm making toast for myself," Alana said.

"Toast will do fine," Loki said distantly.

Alana popped some bread into the toaster and got out the butter. Loki sat down at the white table, drinking his coffee slowly, looking around.

The toaster dinged and Alana placed the toast in front of him. "Apple?" she asked.

Loki nodded, and she walked into the living room, grabbing a couple from a bowl. She threw one to him, which he caught, surprised.

Alana flopped down on a chair across from him and started eating her toast.

Loki was ravenous, and quickly devoured the apple and his toast. Alana looked at him in shock. "How long has it been since you've eaten?"

"About a day," Loki mumbled.

Her gray eyes widened in sympathy, and she got up and went back into the kitchen.

"Have another apple," she called.

Loki did so, and by the time he was finished Alana had cooked eggs and (slightly burnt) bacon.

He ate more slowly this time; unsure why she was feeding him, why she was being so _nice_ to him. Wasn't she supposed to guarding him, not cooking for him?

Alana watched him concernedly, and when he was done with his meal, she asked, "Better?"

He nodded.

"Right then, tour of the house," she declared, standing up and walking down the hall.

Loki was shown the swimming pool, the TV room, the basement and the downstairs bathroom as well as the guest bedroom.

He was beginning to realize just how large the house really was, especially for one person.

He mentioned it and she agreed, with a sad smile on her face.

"I inherited a lot of money, but I didn't really have anything to spend it on. So, I just bought a big house, so that I can pretend that people are in the other parts of it and I just can't hear them."

She stopped talking, looking a little embarrassed to have revealed so much.

Instead, she showed him the upstairs bathrooms, the library, the attic and finally, her room.

It was covered with bookshelves, which in turn were filled with dozens of leather-bound books and sketchbooks. Her bed was neatly made, covered with a blue quilt. It looked comfortable and worn. Sketches covered the walls, tacked up, pictures of trees and birds and eyes.

On a small shelf in the corner lay a bullet.

Loki furrowed his brow. "What is this?" he asked.

Alana laughed a bit. "You're the first one in _ages_ who's noticed that."

Her face sobered as she answered, "That was the bullet I was shot with."

She pulled aside the neck of her shirt to reveal a circular scar just below her collarbone.

Loki narrowed his eyes. Who was this girl? Why was she being so trusting of him? Did she expect the same in return?

Well, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

"I see," he said coldly, and left her room.

* * *

><p>Loki was not used to an empty house.<p>

On Asgard, the palace was always full of guards and courtiers and people come to ask requests of Odin.

He preferred the emptiness. It was peaceful, and he didn't have to pretend to be that which he was not.

Loki was also not used to following rules.

Alana had told him that he would be required to do his own laundry and take turns cooking, once he became more comfortable in the house. She told him that he wasn't confined to the house and could explore the surrounding woods, but that he had to have a phone with him.

Loki said that he didn't have a phone.

The next day, one mysteriously showed up outside his bedroom door.

She had said nothing at all about him being a criminal.

When he confronted her about this, she looked a bit confused. "Innocent until proven guilty," she said.

He didn't know what to make of it all.


	8. Oh No!

**EIGHT**

* * *

><p><em>One track mind, one track heart<em>

_If I fail, I'll fall apart_

_Maybe it is all a test_

_'Cause I feel like I'm the worst_

_So I always act like I'm the best_

_- "Oh No!" Marina & The Diamonds_

* * *

><p>Days passed, and slowly Loki began to grow more comfortable in Alana's house. He did not speak much for the first few days, but they gradually settled into a kind of routine.<p>

Loki was actually a surprisingly decent cook. Alana, however, was not. When she made dinner, it was generally limited to some kind of microwaved chicken.

One night she got fed up of cooking. "Right," she said, "we're going to Burger King or to a restaurant or something, 'cause you've been surpassing me and now I'm ashamed of my cooking."

Loki rolled his eyes. "It really isn't that hard to follow a recipe, you know."

Alana said, "Recipes hate me," and walked out to the car.

Loki followed her, sighing.

* * *

><p>At the restaurant, Alana ordered them a pizza.<p>

Loki had no idea what pizza was. Alana's mouth dropped open when he told her that, and said, "Well, it's a good thing I ordered a large."

When the pizza came, Loki just looked at the triangular slice strangely. He picked it up awkwardly with his hands, imitating Alana.

It was delicious. Alana laughed as his eyes widened and as he ate vigorously.

"How did we not know of this on Asgard?" he questioned.

Alana shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, pizza's not exactly a _new_ food."

Loki replied, "Well, I am over a thousand years old. I should have heard of pizza by now."

Silence followed his words. Alana sat staring at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You're… over a thousand," she stated, disbelieving.

"Yes, I am. One thousand and seventy eight, actually."

"And here I thought you were twenty-five," Alana muttered. "That's just… that's just weird."

Feeling a bit offended, Loki responded curtly, "In human years I am considered twenty-one."

Alana choked a little.

Loki looked at her, his temper rising. Why was his age so important? He was a _god_, for goodness's sake.

"How old will you live to be?" Alana asked quietly.

"Five thousand," he replied tersely.

Alana had nothing more to say, and they both seemed to have lost their appetites, so Alana paid the check and silently drove them back to her house.


	9. What Lies Beneath

**NINE**

* * *

><p><em>Take a breath<em>

_Hold it in_

_Start a fight_

_You won't win_

_Had enough_

_Let's begin_

_Nevermind_

_I don't care_

_All in all_

_You're no good_

_You don't cry_

_Like you should_

_Let it go_

_If you could_

_When love dies in the end_

_So I'll find what lies beneath_

_Your sick twisted smile_

_As I lie underneath_

_Your cold jaded eyes_

_Now you turn the tide on me_

_'Cause you're so unkind_

_I will always be here_

_For the rest of my life_

_- "What Lies Beneath," Breaking Benjamin_

* * *

><p>It was three weeks before Loki lost his temper. It was a trivial matter, but Loki was not used to being denied.<p>

It was also the day that Alana, fed up with him, used her powers.

Loki was seated in a chair, reading a book, when Alana walked in.

"You look terrible," Loki commented frankly.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically. "Nightmares."

"Really? What about?" he asked, two parts mocking to one part curious. He had noticed mumbling and noises coming from her room ever since he had arrived, but had dismissed them so far. Now, though, he was curious.

"Nothing. It's… just that they're getting worse," she answered, looking away from him.

"Tell me," Loki insisted.

"It's not important. Forget it."

"No."

"I said, forget it!"

Loki stood up, throwing his book on the floor. "I am an Asgardian, and you would do well to obey me, mortal!"

Alana laughed.

"You dare mock _me, _you foolish mortal? The power of Asgard flows through me, the power of a god! You will pay for this insolence! I am Loki, of Asgard, and you will obey me!" He was enraged, furious that she would_ laugh_, at _him_!

Alana smiled mockingly, her eyes turning the same green as Loki's, and said, "You're not of Asgard. You're an outcast. Of Asgard? No. You are of Jotunheim."

Her smile died and her eyes reverted back to grey as she realized what she had said. Crap.

"I'm going out," she said quickly. "Catch you later."

But it was too late, for Loki's rage, already boiling, had overflowed.

"DON'T MOVE!"

Despite her best attempts to move, she found herself frozen in place. Damn it. She stared at Loki, refusing to show fear.

"Let me go, Loki. Now. "

"Or what?" he sneered. "_What did you say?_"

"Nothing," Alana said. Loki was making her angry, too, and that was _not_ good for her hidden powers.

"Don't lie to me! How do _you_ know of Jotunheim? How does a _puny_ mortal know of my true parentage? TELL ME!"

His voice was like steel, dripping with hatred, anger, and desperation. Alana could see him shutting down and losing control. They had been doing so well, but she could see that he was just as damaged as ever. She cursed her big mouth.

"I'm leaving, Loki. Goodbye."

"I'd like to see you try," he mocked. "Try, mortal! Try and escape the God of Mischief!"

"Okay," Alana said. Loki was making her so angry she couldn't resist. And there was no other way to get out of the situation.

She used her telekinesis to eliminate the magic freezing her in place.

Loki's eyes filled with anger and disbelief as she walked out the front door.

* * *

><p>After Alana had left, Loki started to pace the room angrily, throwing books across the room with his magic.<p>

How had she done it? How had she gotten free of his magic? How could she have possibly done what she just did?

"HOW?" he roared, but only silence answered him.

* * *

><p>Alana let out a deep breath. That had been the first time in five years she had used her powers, and she felt guilty about breaking her own promise to herself.<p>

But it had felt so _right_, like she didn't have to worry and hide anymore, like a part of her had been raised from the dead -

She stopped her train of thought there. _I made my decision, and I'm sticking to it. No more powers. No more._

_I can't let anyone else get hurt._


	10. Going Under

**TEN**

* * *

><p><em>Now I will tell you what I've done for you<em>

_Fifty thousand tears I've cried._

_Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you_

_And you still won't hear me (going under)_

_Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself._

_Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)_

_Not tormented daily defeated by you_

_Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

_I'm dying again_

_I'm going under (going under)_

_Drowning in you (drowning in you)_

_I'm falling forever (falling forever)_

_I've got to break through_

_I'm going under_

_- "Going Under," Evanescence_

* * *

><p>Alana had returned about two hours later. Loki was still fuming, hidden up in his room. She sketched for a while, then made a cold dinner for herself and left out a plate for Loki, then, exhausted, trudged up to her room and quickly fell asleep.<p>

When Loki realized she was asleep, he left his room and headed downstairs, grudgingly eating the dinner laid out (he _was_ hungry) and noticed Alana's sketchpad lying on the coffee table.

Still angry with her, he decided to look through it.

What he found astonished him.

Pages and pages of eyes, maniacal brown, warm blue, her own gray eyes, and the cold blue ones he had seen her draw on the first morning he spent in the house.

He flipped to the last page and stared into his own eyes.

They were green and drawn with care and a gentle hand, and looked pained and vulnerable. He saw the inner workings of his heart etched in the sorrow he found there.

Was that how she saw him?

Sighing heavily and _very_ confused, Loki walked up the stairs, heading towards his room, when he heard a whimper coming from Alana's. Dare he enter? The memory of their previous encounter made him wary.

Damn that, he would.

He slowly opened her door and peered inside.

Alana was curled up on her bed; in a fetal position so tight it looked painful. She was making pained noises, and he knew that she must be having a nightmare. As he watched from the doorway, she curled tighter and mumbled. He crept up to her, silent as a shadow.

His anger at her dissipated as he watched her stir fretfully. These must be the nightmares of which she had spoken, and he could see now why she had not wanted to talk about them.

Who was this girl, this mysterious girl, who locked up her heart tighter than the Weapons Vault on Asgard? And what powers did she hide?

Above all, why did he feel as if he was falling again?

Falling from the Bifrost, giving up his life, wanting and wishing and _hoping _for death, only to have death cruelly snatched from him.

Alana made a little noise of protest, then said, "Don't fall… please. Please." And then, soft as a whisper, "For me."

What?

Strange coincidence, that. Coincidences seemed to happen regularly around her.

Loki was growing most distrustful of coincidences.

And no one would have stopped _him_ from falling.

The hardest truth to learn was to learn that you were alone.

An empty hole, filled with darkness. No brother, no father, no friends. Only the shadows, the darkness; his shadow, his father's shadow, the shadows of Thor's greatness.

But as he searched his heart, he found a light. Only a tiny one, only a spark, but a light that made him feel warm, and safe, and even perhaps… loved?

It was her.

But he pushed against the light, he resisted it, he tried to quell it, for he had known nothing but darkness for years, and the light hurt him deep inside, for it brought memories of his childhood. He refused her, for she was mortal.

And yet, she made him question who he was, who he ought to be. He was above her, above all of them. Yet she did not fear him.

She had stared him in the eyes, unimpressed by his show of magic. While he raged, she stood there, calm and cool.

When he threatened her, she had laughed.

But the falling he felt deep inside when he looked at her did not feel like falling. It felt like flying. But he feared flying more than falling, for reasons he did not know.

Whoever this girl was, he would unlock her. Whatever it took.

He moved closer and looked at her sleeping face, worried in her dream.

_"Don't fall… please. Please. For me."_

The words echoed in his head.

He reached out to touch her face, then stopped and turned away.


	11. Perfect

**ELEVEN**

* * *

><p><em>I know that I'm not perfect but I keep trying 'cause that's what I said I would do from the start.<em>

_I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave. Was it something I said or just my personality?_

_- "Perfect," Hedley_

* * *

><p>It was a late summer morning when Alana came into the kitchen, laden down with groceries. Loki had never eaten what he called "Midgardian fare" before, and he liked at least one different thing to try every night. Alana had just bought three types of unpronounceable vegetables and four different types of fruit, several shaped so strangely that she eyed it warily. As she heaved the bags on the counter, she thought she heard a distant melody. Dismissing it, she started restocking the fridge.<p>

When she was done, the sound was still there. It was faint, but plaintive and longing. Where was it coming from?

She followed the sound through the house, finally stopping outside Loki's bedroom door. The music was coming from within. His door was ajar, and she cautiously peered in.

Loki was sitting at a piano, (where the hell did he get a piano?) and was playing, his fingers dancing over the keyboard. The music was beautiful, but she couldn't see any sheet music.

Loki's fingers stopped, and the music stopped too.

"You might as well come in, I know you're there," he said.

She stepped inside a bit sheepishly as he turned around to face her.

"That was beautiful," she said. "Who's it by?"

"No one of consequence."

"I didn't know you played."

"I don't. However, this instrument is similar enough to an Asgardian instrument, so I made do," he said, looking a bit defensive.

Alana smiled. "I played a violin once. It was awful. I almost punctured someone's eardrum, apparently."

Loki looked slightly apprehensive.

"How did you come to that conclusion?"

"He told me. And then he grabbed his violin back and told me not to play it again, because he wanted to keep his other one intact."

"How old were you?" Loki asked curiously.

"Sixteen." A faint smile ran across her face. "That was one of the good parts of my sixteenth year."

Her smile faded, and she changed the subject.

"Where'd you get the piano?"

"I found it in the attic."

Alana looked incredulous.

"A _piano_? How'd you get it down here?"

"It wasn't too hard. It came apart easily. Putting it back together was a bit harder, but…"

Alana held up her hands. "Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You _disassembled _and _reassembled _a _piano_?"

Loki raised his eyebrows. "Obviously."

"Are all gods trained in piano disassembling?"

Loki looked offended.

"Fine, fine. Keep playing, okay? I like it. Don't mind me."

She leaned against the door frame and motioned for him to keep playing.

Loki turned around, a faint smile on his face, and continued to play.

What Alana didn't know was that he had written the piece.


	12. I Don't Care

**TWELVE**

* * *

><p><em>If you were dead or still alive,<em>

_I don't care,_

_I don't care_

_And all the things you left behind,_

_I don't care,_

_I don't care_

_If you were dead or still alive_

_I don't care (nothing can care about)_

_I don't care... (I'm taking care of it)_

_And all the things you've left behind_

_I don't care (you won't be there for me.)_

_I don't care... at all._

_- "I Don't Care," Apocalyptica_

* * *

><p>Loki sat by the edge of the small stream that ran through Alana's property.<p>

The sunlight was warm and the stream bubbled pleasantly. Dappled light shone through the leaves in the woods behind him.

Yet his mind was not on the sunlight, or the stream. It was fixed, annoyingly, unfortunately, on Alana.

He still didn't understand her.

She should hate him, she should keep him locked up, she _should_.

It was only logical for a soldier.

Yet, she had made them take off the handcuffs, that day on the tarmac so long ago. She gave him free reign through her house and on her property, she had even programmed his fingerprint into the security systems.

Why was she _trusting_ him?

He wanted to tell himself that he didn't care, but a niggling sensation told him that he was wrong. He ignored it.

He _couldn't_ care. He just couldn't. He'd been too long without a source of hope, without someone who believed he was good.

_She's just doing her job, nothing more, _one part of him said.

_Well, then she's doing it _badly_, _ another part said treacherously.

But when she laughed, when she smiled, he could almost forget the pain behind her eyes as well.

Who was she? Why was she so young? How had she gotten free of his magic? Why had she responded in an almost too-perfect way to his thoughts while sleep-talking? How did she know he was an outcast? How did she know he was a Jotunn?

These thoughts swarmed and buzzed in his head, and he could not make sense of them.

He lay down by the stream and let the dappled sunlight warm him.

* * *

><p>Alana hummed softly as she pulled at a particularly stubborn weed. She didn't exactly have a green thumb, <em>per se<em>, but she did enjoy getting dirty and planting her flowers. Her white T-shirt was streaked with soil, and the knees of her jeans were green. Her bare feet had turned brown and happily embraced the cool dirt.

She wiped her forehead with her hand, getting some dirt there too, but not caring.

As her fingers worked around the roots, she found her thoughts straying to Loki. She was glad that he seemed a bit more comfortable in her house. It was hard to believe that he had been with her for nearly six weeks.

She wasn't sure how much longer he would be with her. Fury had said that they would try to contact Thor on Asgard, and who knew how long _that_ would take.

Her heart throbbed a bit at the thought of sending him away, but she knew it would have to happen eventually. She was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, and she had to obey their orders.

Sighing, and wiping her forehead again, she continued on the weed, letting out a small exclamation of delight as she finally got it out.

Standing up to throw the weed behind her, (and to stretch her legs) she jumped a bit as she saw Loki leaning against a tree, surveying her.

"You know, that's really freaky," she said, pursing her lips.

Loki smirked. "I know."

"Do you like gardening?" she asked.

"I've never done it before. I am a prince, remember."

"You're a prince?" Alana said, shocked.

Loki realized that she hadn't known that and kept his mouth shut, unwilling to put forward any other information.

Alana could see his reluctance and hesitation, and bent down again, saying, "Come here, it's easy. All you have to do is take out any plants that look like _that_," she said, gesturing with feigned hatred at the weed pile.

Loki knelt down next to her. "This one?" he asked, pale fingers grasping a strangled weed.

"Yeah, that's one. Make sure you get all the roots, like _that_," she said, momentarily placing her hands on top of his and helping him to uproot it. His hands were cold and she shivered a bit, goose bumps trickling down her spine.

He gave her a hint of a smile.

She returned it, radiantly.

They dug together in silence as the sun slowly sank behind the trees.

"You've got dirt on your forehead," Loki said, when they were done.

"So do you," Alana retorted, smiling.

Loki frowned. "No, I don't."

Before he could react, Alana had grabbed his wrist, preventing him from twisting away, and rubbed dirt on his forehead.

He spun away, retreating and watching her with wary eyes.

Alana felt her heart sink. She had gone too far. "Sorry," she ventured, feeling rather small.

She blinked, and Loki was gone.

Sighing, she wiped her hands on her pants, then slowly walked back inside the house.


	13. Grey Sky Eyes

**THIRTEEN**

* * *

><p><em>Grey sky, always in your eye<em>  
><em> Where is the girl behind the cloud?<em>  
><em> Grey sky, always floating by<em>  
><em> But I only peek when I'm allowed<em>

_ You welcome me in_  
><em> And your veil is so thin<em>  
><em> But the mystery continues to grow<em>  
><em> You say you must realize<em>  
><em> That my grey sky eyes<em>  
><em> Neither rain, nor they glow... now you know<em>

_ So I'll try to not act so surprised_  
><em> I'll feel my way, I'll underplay<em>  
><em> All my curiosity and hide<em>

_All the questions in my skin_

_ - "Grey Sky Eyes," Carbon Leaf_

* * *

><p>Alana was grateful when Loki came downstairs for breakfast the next morning. She had thought that he might have been too wary to join her.<p>

She decided to pretend that it had never happened.

He sat at the table, eating silently. She wanted to say something, but wasn't sure what to say.

Surprisingly, he broke the silence first, his clear voice cutting through the tension in the room.

"Why do you draw eyes so frequently?"

Internally, Alana screamed. Any other question, _any_ other, but to this one she couldn't give him the truth.

Well… not the whole truth anyway.

"Eyes have a lot of emotions behind them. And I feel that… when I draw the eyes of people I've hurt, I can feel better. I feel more like… they might forgive me."

"You drew mine."

She winced a bit. "I'm sorry, I didn't think… I shouldn't have."

"No, it's... fine."

She didn't believe it. "Really?"

"Yes."

She smiled slightly, and asked, "Could you forgive me? After seeing them, I mean."

His pale brow furrowed. "Forgive you for what?"

Alana looked down at her plate. "For… calling you an outcast."

Loki looked at her in astonishment. No one had ever asked for his forgiveness for calling him an outcast. They meant it. They knew it hurt.

But Alana, she, she was different. Why?

Why was he willing to forgive _her?_

"It's alright, really."

"No," she said firmly, looking up at him, "it was not. I'm your host, I shouldn't…"

"Well, I believe I gave you more than enough reason," he said, lounging back in his chair.

Alana smiled, and asked, "Can we just both forget about it?"

Loki nodded, smiling slightly. "I think that would be best."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey, everyone! Thanks so much for all your support. Don't worry, much longer chapters are on their way. More fluff, too, but also in the future... angst. Lots and lots of angst.**

***chuckles evilly***

**Please review! I absolutely love the feedback.**

**masterofthefall**


	14. Breath of Life

**FOURTEEN**

* * *

><p><em>It's a harder way and it's come to claim her<em>

_And I always say, we should be together_

_And I can see below, 'cause there's something in here_

_And if you are gone, I will not belong here (belong, belong, belong)_

_And I started to hear it again_

_But this time it wasn't the end_

_And the room is so quiet, oh oh oh oh_

_And my heart is a hollow plain_

_For the devil to dance again_

_And the room is too quiet, oh oh oh oh_

_- "Breath of Life," Florence + The Machine_

* * *

><p>Loki was getting restless. He hadn't been off the grounds in several weeks, and Alana could see that in his short temper.<p>

So, she decided to go to the beach.

Loki looked rather confused when she tossed a pair of swim trunks at him and said, "Go change, we're going to the beach."

He started to question her, but she cut him off. "No time! We can talk in the car, but I want to beat traffic."

Several minutes later, Loki came downstairs in a black T-shirt and the swim trunks.

"I still don't understand why we're going to the beach."

"Because you're as white as paper and because it's a fun, normal, human activity in the summertime, that's why."

"But I am not human," Loki responded, "and therefore do not have to follow your foolish traditions."

Alana rolled her eyes. "Come on. You mean to tell me that people don't go swimming on Asgard?"

Loki scowled.

"Fine, fine… but you _can _swim, right?"

Loki walked out the door. Alana sighed._ Men._

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the beach, Loki looked around, curiously.<p>

"Why are there so many _people_?"

"Because this is a popular beach, that's why. Now, put on some sunscreen."

"What?"

"_Sunscreen._ It keeps your skin protected from the sun," she said as she rubbed it into her arms.

"On Asgard, we have magic for that," Loki scoffed.

"Well, we're not on Asgard. Now, take off your shirt and turn around."

"What?"

"You need sunscreen on your back."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No."

Alana gritted her teeth. "Loki…" she said warningly.

"Fine."

He pulled off his T-shirt and flinched when Alana plopped sunscreen on his back.

It was cold; it was _very, very_ cold. And it felt weird, too, but was that the sunscreen or the feel of her hands on his back? Alana rubbed it in, then handed him the bottle.

"Here, you can do the rest."

She twisted her hair up into a ponytail, and then stepped out of her shoes.

"Finished?" she asked, and then laughed as he turned around with a blob of sunscreen on his nose. "You've got some sunscreen… on your nose."

Loki looked surprised and rubbed his nose.

"There, now you've got it."

She smiled at him and took the sunscreen. "Get my back for me, would you?"

She pulled off her shirt and shorts and turned her back to him, waiting.

Loki hesitated. It was not the first time he had touched a girl, but all the same, this seemed different, somehow… but why?

"Come on, Loki! I promise I won't bite," she laughed.

He put some sunscreen in his hand, and cautiously touched her back with it. He slowly rubbed it into her back, covering every inch as she waited patiently, holding her hair out of the way. His fingers ghosted over her back like butterflies. Alana shivered involuntarily, and felt a strange sense of loss as he finished and handed her the sunscreen.

"Thanks," she said.

Loki gave her a hint of a smile.

Shaking off her feelings, she ran into the water, with Loki close behind.

"COLD!" she yelled as she hugged her arms to her chest. "It's freezing in here!"

"Really?" Loki asked. "It feels fine to me."

"Well, give me a minute," she said, then dived under an oncoming wave.

Loki dived through it too, twisting and turning in the water. He remembered this; from childhood days spent swimming in Asgard's lakes. But this seemed better, somehow more exciting, and more fun.

Plus, Thor wasn't there, nor the Warriors Three to taunt his pale chest and lean frame.

He shot up out of the water, grinning and brushing his salt-soaked hair out of his eyes, the same color as the sea.

Alana was nowhere to be seen.

"Alana?" he asked tentatively.

No response.

Panicking, Loki dived back into the water, searching through the gloom. Had she hit her head on something? Not been able to come up for air? She was nowhere to be found. His head told him to make his escape while he could, but his heart told him something else.

He swam up to the surface, treading water. "ALANA!" he cried out.

Someone put their hands over his eyes. He snarled. If this was the thing that had taken Alana, he would make them pay. He would make them all pay. He grabbed their wrist and whirled around, ready to fight.

Alana looked surprised. "You okay, Loki?"

Loki deflated a bit as he saw who had "attacked" him from behind, then reinflated himself and asked furiously, "Where were you?"

Alana looked at Loki curiously, and said, "Just underwater. I can hold my breath for a really long time."

Loki looked upset. "You…I thought you were…"

Alana said gently, "You were worried?"

Loki averted his eyes, then looked up, smiled smoothly, and said, "Not at all."

Alana smiled and said, "Well, you're not getting rid of me that easily, buster."

"Buster?" Loki furrowed his brow. "I do not understand."

Alana laughed and splashed him. Loki spit out water, and then grabbed her around the waist, lifting her into the air and throwing her into the water. She shrieked and came up spluttering, then splashed him again, saying, "Not fair!" Her hair had come loose, and it cascaded down her back like a waterfall.

It was beautiful.

Alana looked at Loki questioningly, seeing a change in his eyes, and feeling a change in her heart rate.

"Throw me again?" she said, softly, turning over her shoulder to look at him, feeling as if something between them had changed, too.

Loki treaded water behind her, then his hands cautiously curled around her waist.

It was all she could do not to gasp at the feel of his hands and the strange shock that ran through her that emanated from his fingers.

And then, he threw her, and the moment was broken, as she came up laughing and began to swim for shore, Loki close behind.

By the time she reached the sand, she had pushed the feel of his hands on her skin to the back of her mind.

* * *

><p>The two of them spent a very enjoyable day on the beach, swimming and relaxing in the sun. Loki built a sand castle of Asgard while Alana collected shells. Alana read a book she brought while Loki read over her shoulder unnoticed.<p>

The sunscreen bottle was emptied.

As time passed, Alana grew tired and fell asleep on her towel. Loki lay down on the sand next to her and looked at the clouds. He quickly decided that the big one looked like his helmet, while a smaller one looked like that weird ornament on Alana's car keys. And that one… that one looked like a bilgesnipe.

Alana rolled over and put her head on his chest, curling up next to him.

Loki froze. This was unexpected. Not only unexpected, but also strange. Unfamiliar. What should he do?

Alana let out a little mumble in her sleep.

Loki let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Why was his heart leaping? And why was he smiling like an idiot?

He tried to deny it, but the truth slowly emerged as time passed and he lay watching her sleep curled up next to him. He had feelings for Alana.

Romantic feelings.

He hated that he felt this way, but couldn't argue with it. She was unlike any other mortal he had ever known. Not that he had taken the opportunity to get to know any others, but… well. She had something hidden inside, just as he did, and was troubled but tried to hide it. She was sassy, and gentle, and guarded, and beautiful.

He attempted to convince himself that it was only friendship, nothing more, but his thoughts were interrupted as Alana shifted, her hand splaying out on his bare chest. Electricity seemed to course through him and his heartbeat increased once more.

Damn it, he was in love with Alana Cooper.

Alana smiled in her sleep, then said, "I love you, too."

Loki's heart leapt into his throat, and he smiled.

Alana added, "Goodnight, Oliver."

His heart plummeted, his smile disappeared, his body stiffened.

Always. Always abandoned, rejected, cast out. The loner, the shadow. No one who mattered. No one would save him. _She _would not save him. He had fallen from the Bifrost and now his heart fell too. He thought that she had been different, been _special._ Been like him. But no, Alana had someone else, someone else to hold her and kiss her and laugh with her. He was nothing, _always_. Nothing.

Always alone.

Alana suddenly rolled off him and curled up into the fetal position, whimpering.

"Alana?" Loki asked cautiously. Despite the revelation of her indifference, he was concerned. He shouldn't be, she didn't love him, she didn't care. He was alone.

He sighed as he realized his concern showed his unrequited love for her; rejected, he loved her still.

When she didn't respond to her name, he shook her, gently, then harder. "Alana! Wake up!"

When she did not, he decided that they needed to leave, and quickly. He threw her towel over his shoulder, used his magic to put her sweatshirt on her, and gently and carefully picked her up in his arms. She was light, too light, but the way that she was curled made it hard for him to carry her.

She put her arms around his neck, still whimpering, brow furrowed, as if she had responded to his thoughts. A tear dripped out of her clenched eyelids.

She clung to him like a child, burying her head into his sandy chest.

Loki kissed her on the top of her head, gently, cautiously, hating himself all the while.

He had to get her back home.


	15. Dear Agony

**FIFTEEN**

* * *

><p><em>I have nothing left to give<em>

_I have found the perfect end_

_You were made to make it hurt_

_Disappear into the dirt_

_Carry me to heaven's arms_

_Light the way and let me go_

_Take the time to take my breath_

_I will end where I began_

_And I will find the enemy within_

_Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin_

_Dear Agony_

_Just let go of me_

_Suffer slowly_

_Is this the way it's gotta be?_

_Dear Agony_

_- "Dear Agony," Breaking Benjamin_

* * *

><p>Alana woke up slowly, her head hurting from her vicious nightmare.<p>

Except it wasn't a nightmare. It never was, never had been.

It had all been real.

She buried her face in her hands, struggling to contain her tears.

A small cough snapped her back to reality. She opened her eyes and peeked out through her hands.

Loki was sitting next to her bed, a look of concern and relief on his face. He was still in his swim trunks and his black shirt, now covered with sand.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

Alana nodded, not trusting her voice. She looked around her, confused. Weren't they at the beach? How was she in her room, in her bed?

Loki read her look of confusion perfectly and said, "You fell asleep on the beach and… um… had a nightmare. I couldn't wake you up, so I drove us back here. You've been sleeping for about six hours, curled up and… well."

She brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked at Loki a bit strangely.

"You were sitting here for _six hours_?"

"Er… yes?"

"You really didn't have to do that."

"You looked as if you needed the company."

"I'm fine," Alana said as she swung her legs off the bed, standing up and then immediately falling, her legs collapsing under her.

In a flash, Loki was there, catching her in his arms and pulling her back up. She smiled weakly and said, "Thank you."

Loki shrugged, but Alana said again, "No, really. Thank you. For everything." She hugged him, her face pressing into his salty, sandy T-shirt. His arms curled around her and he hugged her back.

Loki was flying again, Alana in his arms, just them standing there, only them.

His flying was interrupted as Alana let go. "You should go get something to eat, Loki."

He didn't want to leave her, but she smiled at him, saying, "Loki. I'm fine now, really. You, however, must be exhausted. Go get some food."

Grudgingly, he left the room, turning once more before he left to see her smiling.

* * *

><p>Alana's smile faded off of her face as Loki left the room. She leaned her head against the wall. What was she <em>doing<em>? Why was she acting this way? She felt something for Loki, unquestionably, but she had learned to not let anyone close.

When people got close to her, they generally ended up dead.

He was simply another childish crush, an infatuation. There had been others before him, and there would be others after.

But no one else would come close to her. She wouldn't allow it. She'd made her decision a long time ago.

But then why did her decision feel so wrong?

* * *

><p>Loki slumped against the other side of the wall. He couldn't, he <em>wouldn't<em>. Alana had someone else. Who else could Oliver possibly be? Besides, she'd pushed him away.

But she had also hugged him… no. He wouldn't dare to think about her. She thought of him as the alien she had to keep from destroying small towns, or a best a friend.

Nothing more.

And even if she had feelings for him, she was mortal. She would wither and die before he reached his second millennium.

Always, _always,_ alone.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Alana decided to tell Loki something. He deserved it, after sitting with her for six hours.<p>

She fiddled with her fork for a minute, then stood and walked over to where he was lounging, perusing a tattered copy of _Hamlet_.

"Loki… I may not have been completely honest with you."

Loki looked curious., setting his book down on his chest.

"Go on," he said when it was apparent she was reluctant to say more.

"These nightmares that I have aren't really just ordinary nightmares. I have post-traumatic stress disorder, and sometimes, well, a lot of the time, I have these dreams that make me… remember." Not that she could ever forget.

"So… what was your traumatic event?" Loki asked softly.

Alana's eyes filled with pain. "I don't talk about that. Ever."

She took a deep breath to calm herself, and continued.

"But they usually have to have a trigger, something that reminds me of it in a way… did I say anything while I was asleep? Anything at all? I sleep-talk sometimes, so…"

She fiddled with the strand of hair that was perpetually loose.

_I love you too. Goodnight, Oliver._

Loki shook his head, and casually said, "No."

_She loves him, not you. Don't make a mistake, Loki. Leave, now, before you're in too deep, _his brain said. _You are the rightful king of Asgard. She doesn't deserve you._

_Oh, shut up,_ said his heart. _I'm not leaving._

_I need her._

_And maybe she needs me, too._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the short chapter, but things are definitely going to heat up (cool down?) between Alana and Loki in the next chapter.**_  
><em>

**Please leave me a review if you're liking it so far!**


	16. So Cold

**SIXTEEN**

* * *

><p><em>You're so cold<em>

_Keep your hand in mine_

_Wise men wonder while strong men die_

_Show me how it ends, it's alright_

_Show me how defenseless you really are_

_Satisfied and empty inside_

_Well, that's alright, let's give this another try_

_If you find your family, don't you cry_

_In this land of make-believe, dead and dry_

_You're so cold, but you feel alive_

_Lay your hand on me one last time_

_- "So Cold," Breaking Benjamin_

* * *

><p>Alana was lounging in her favorite chair, flipping the pages of a book absentmindedly when Loki walked downstairs with a basket of laundry.<p>

She called out, "Don't mix it with the lights this time!"

Loki snorted. All of his clothes were varying shades of black, gray, or green. He had never actually mixed his clothes with the lights, but Alana liked to tease him.

He didn't mind.

Alana watched him go, a small smile on her face, when suddenly a thought wormed its way into her mind. It nagged at her, so she sighed, giving into temptation, and got up to follow Loki.

"Hey, Loki… question. What do Asgardians wear?"

Loki turned around in surprise. "Why do you ask?"

She shrugged. "No reason, I was just wondering."

He quirked his eyebrows. "Well, our garb is more stylish."

Alana threw a dirty shirt at him.

He laughed, dodging it nimbly, and threw a sock at her. It hit her on the forehead… and _stuck_ there.

Alana tried to pull it off, but it wouldn't budge.

Loki threw another sock. It hit her arm and stuck there too.

Alana finally realized what was happening, and protested, "Hey! No magic!"

He smiled, and snapped his fingers; the socks fell off.

She looked suspiciously at him. "No way did you need to snap your fingers."

"No," he said mischievously, "that was just for dramatic effect."

Alana grinned, leaning against the wall. "No, but seriously. What do Asgardians wear?"

Loki paused, considering, before he replied, "The women usually wear dresses, unless they are warriors, and the men usually wear varying amounts of armor. The women's dresses vary more than the men's, and they usually have many more different styles."

Alana looked thoughtful. "What do you wear? Usually, I mean."

Loki looked at her. "Do you really want to see?"

"Yes," she responded immediately.

"Close your eyes," he whispered.

"More dramatic effect?" Alana asked with a twinge of sarcasm, though she closed her eyes anyway.

Loki smiled. She was smart.

He cast a simple illusion of his Asgardian clothing over himself. Even though he was actually wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, it appeared as if he was wearing his familiar green and black leather garb with his gold armor and helmet.

He might as well show her his dark side.

"You can open your eyes now."

Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at him in wonder.

"That's… that's…"

Loki's heart sank. Did she think it was strange? Was she frightened? Perhaps there was a reason Thor was considered the handsome one.

"… awesome!" Alana finished.

Loki looked at her in astonishment. He had been called many things, but never awesome.

"It's so you!" she exclaimed. "And I love the helmet. How does it even stay on? Is it magic?"

She reached out to touch it, but it faded away as her fingers brushed through the illusion.

Her face fell a little. "Oh. I thought it was real."

"It is real," Loki said earnestly. "It's just on Asgard."

"So you wear that helmet all the time? It looks kind of heavy."

"No, only in battle. And in formal ceremonies."

There was silence, and then Alana said softly, "In battle?"

Loki looked at the floor, feeling somewhat ashamed. "Yes. As a prince of Asgard, I was required to learn to fight. And I have. I have fought. I have killed."

He looked up at her, meeting her eyes. "Do I scare you?" he said quietly.

Alana looked at him pensively. "No," she said finally.

"Well, I SHOULD!" Loki roared. She did not flinch. "You would be cowering in fear if you knew what I was, what I was born as! I am a monster, the monster parents tell their children about at night! I was taken as a bargaining chip, nothing more! I killed my own father!"

His voice broke and he slumped to the ground.

"You should kill _me_."

Alana knelt down beside him, taking his head in her hands, thumbs soft against his cheeks. "Listen to me, Loki. You are not a monster. And you do _not_ deserve to die. You're not going to die, I promise you. I'm not going to let you die. It's been something out of a dream, these last few weeks with you. Do you know how lonely I was?"

She laughed with tears in her eyes. "And you think you're the monster here."

Loki looked at her in confusion. "But I am," he whispered. "I am a monster."

"No, you aren't," she insisted. "Monsters don't… play piano and eat pizza and stay with people for six hours after they pass out on a beach somewhere. Monsters don't wear sunscreen or like trying strange foods or carry people back home."

She pressed her forehead to his, feeling as if she was going too far, but she couldn't resist and she had to make him understand.

"You are not a monster, Loki."

She closed her eyes, trying to make him believe it through sheer willpower. "You are not."

"Look at me!" he cried.

She opened her eyes. Loki's eyes, inches from hers, slowly turned red and blue frost spread across his skin.

"THIS is my true form! I am a Jotunn, a frost giant! They hunt down and kill all who tread across their paths! They are savage, and hunted, and feared. And it is not enough that I have to be one of these _monsters,_ but I have an Aesir form! Everyone thinks of me as an Asgardian! I belong to neither world."

Alana put her finger over his lips, shushing him.

He was silent, waiting for her disgust, her rage, her repulsion and hatred.

Instead, she traced the raised markings on his forehead with her forefinger, gently, softly.

He shuddered.

"Beautiful," she whispered.

Loki did not understand.

"You're beautiful, Loki."

No one had ever called him beautiful before.

"Look at you. You're… blue!" she smiled, her fingers idly stroking the ridges that trailed across his cheekbones.

"I promise you, you're not a monster. _My_ Loki is not a monster. We've all got monsters inside of us," she said softly. "What matters is if we choose to let them out."

She kissed him on the forehead, then left.

Loki watched his hands fade back to his Aesir form alone.

_My Loki,_ she had called him.

He smiled, the most at peace he had been with himself since he learned he was a Jotunn.

* * *

><p>Alana blew out a deep breath. She hated herself. She was still getting closer to Loki, despite her promise to herself.<p>

And she had _kissed_ him. Admittedly, on the forehead, but still.

Why was her life so complicated?

Oh, other girls could like boys without having to worry about hidden powers, PTSD, the fact that the person they liked was an alien, and the fact that they were a government agent told to take down said person at any provocation.

Not _her._

She had to continue the way she had been, like a tower, strong and sturdy, not needing any help from anyone to stand tall.

But she felt that she had to help Loki, somehow… her heart had almost broken when he had called himself a monster.

Her life was definitely too complicated.


	17. I Will Not Bow

**SEVENTEEN**

* * *

><p><em>I will not bow<em>

_I will not break_

_I will shut the world away_

_I will not fall_

_I will not fade_

_I will take your breath away_

_And I'll survive; paranoid_

_I have lost the will to change_

_And I am not proud, cold-blooded fake_

_I will shut the world away_

_- "I Will Not Bow," Breaking Benjamin_

* * *

><p>It was a warm evening in early fall and Loki was furious.<p>

With himself, that was.

Why couldn't he just tell Alana that he loved her, that she had saved him, that he needed her? Was he too afraid of rejection?

Apparently, he was.

He impatiently paced back and forth, trying not to scuff the hardwood floors.

Alana had decided that they should go out to dinner in celebration of two months of not killing each other.

It was a mark of how their relationship had evolved that this didn't make Loki want to kill her.

In fact, it made him laugh.

She had made a reservation at a restaurant and apparently, it was a bit more formal than usual, so he was wearing a pair of black slacks and a dark green V-neck shirt and a black sport coat.

He paced some more, wondering why Alana wasn't downstairs yet.

Of course, he didn't mind.

That meant he could worry a bit more about how to tell her he loved her.

* * *

><p>Alana was <em>trying<em> to hurry. She was.

But a little part of her mind kept trying to make her look pretty.

She was trying to squelch it, but it was winning.

She was wearing black jeans (the easiest thing to decide on) and had finally chosen a deep cranberry-colored strappy top. Her hair hung in loose waves around her shoulders.

She wasn't comfortable with being pretty. She hadn't tried to make herself look pretty in a long time.

But now the traitorous voice in her head kept telling her that she would regret it otherwise.

She finally managed to subdue the voice and finished, pulling on a pair of gray suede ballet flats that she hadn't worn in _years._

Why did she even _want_ to go to a formal-ish restaurant in the first place, again?

_Because you want a chance to look good for Loki, that's why, _the voice laughed snidely.

_Shut up_, she thought and headed downstairs.

* * *

><p>Loki was still pacing when he heard a slight cough coming from the stairs.<p>

He turned to the stairs and froze in awe.

Alana was standing at the top, looking more beautiful than any of the goddesses on Asgard.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Oh, yes. Just… hungry, I suppose," he said quickly.

She nodded, smiling and said, "Me too. I'm famished."

As she descended the stairs, it was as if he was seeing her for the first time again.

Her gray eyes sparkled with excitement and her long hair flowed down her back.

He wanted to kiss her _so _badly.

But he resisted the urge and instead offered her his arm.

She laughed, saying, "Are we being all fancy then?" but she took it anyway, looping her arm around his.

"Of course," he said mischievously. "After all, we are going to a formal-ish dinner."

* * *

><p>Dinner had been wonderful, and not because of the food.<p>

They had come home at around eight, and Alana had tried to make a milkshake and it had splattered all over the walls.

He had pulled off his jacket and helped her clean it off, laughing together about her incompetence at handling food. Then, Alana had curled up on the couch, with him sitting next to her, one arm on the back of the sofa and reading over her shoulder

He felt the happiest that he had been in years.

And if she was acting this way, than maybe, just maybe, she had feelings for him too.

_Remember Oliver,_ said a part of his mind. _She has someone else. Someone else kisses her and holds her and that is the one whom she loves. Not you. Never you. Go back to Asgard and take back what was yours! Take back your throne!_

_Forget this mortal girl._

He sighed and stood up, walking away from Alana, running his hand through his hair.

Despite his treacherous thoughts, he knew he needed her more than ever.

Alana saw his torment. She didn't know why, but she knew she had to try and help him somehow, so she stood up too, placing a hand on his shoulder, causing him to stop in his tracks.

She asked him gently, "What's wrong?"

Loki seemed to wrestle with something, hesitating in a way that was very unlike him.

"Please," she said.

He let out a sigh. "Alana…" Loki said softly, turning around to face her, "I need your help."

"What do you need?" she asked, her gaze fixed to his, unable to pull her eyes away. His eyes were full of desperation and pain and longing, and she ached to see him like that. "What do you need?" she whispered once again.

He was moving closer, closer, closer, until he was a hairsbreadth away. He stroked her cheek with a long, pale finger and Alana felt shivers running up and down her spine. She closed her eyes involuntarily.

"You," he whispered.

Loki's lips touched hers, softly. _I should pull away_, she thought. _I can't do this_, her mind protested, but his lips were soft and warm and sweet and her body was betraying her, heart racing and skin flushing. He smelled like leather and metal and ice, and his hand crept up the back of her neck and tangled in her hair, pulling her closer. _He_ loves _me. No, no, no, no one loves me, pull yourself together, Alana, stop this!_ But he was kissing her, passionately, and the world was spinning, and she couldn't think straight, she couldn't think about anything but his lips on hers, and her hands around his neck (when had she put them there?), and his other hand reaching around to cradle her lower back. It seemed as if electricity coursed through her body whenever he touched her. Why had she resisted, again? What had she been afraid of?

She couldn't remember.

So she kissed him back, and his body, his lean frame and sturdy hands supported her, and for one shining moment he was hers, and it was like flying, like being carried across the stars on a beam of light.

* * *

><p>Loki pulled her closer to him, inhaling her sweet scent, her body pressing to his, her hands on his neck, clasping him closer to her until it was as if they were one, and she was his, nothing would take her away from him, she was kissing him too, and nothing in all of the universe could give him this feeling, nothing. He would not trade her for power over all the nine realms, for the throne of Asgard, for anything. He needed her, she was a light in the darkness, a beacon for him, calling out to him and saving him and her body was pressed to his, her lips on his, and it was the sweetest moment of his life.<p>

He was hyperaware of the softness of her body, the curve of her spine, the smoothness of her hair. She was his, and he was hers, forever and ever and ever. He loved her with such a fullness that he felt his heart would burst, and he knew that he could never, ever leave her.

* * *

><p>Alana was soaring, flying, but then she was remembering, and as she remembered she fell. <em>Oliver parents dead my fault my fault I won't let him die, I won't, I can't I can't love him but I do love him no I don't you do Alana, you've always loved him, but stop kissing him, stop, stop it, he's in danger.<em>

_You're killing him._

She pulled away from him with a cry, breaking the kiss, breaking the moment, turning away from him; her eyes squeezed shut, her body rigid. She took a deep breath, composing herself. "Loki, I… I can't. I just can't."

There was silence for a moment, and then Loki spoke coldly, his voice cutting through her like a scalpel.

"This is about Oliver, isn't it?"

She turned around, pain in her eyes. "How do you know about Oliver?"

Loki said nothing, but on the inside, his heart was screaming as if it had been ripped apart. _Take me back_, he thought. _Take me back to when her lips were pressed to mine and the world was perfect._

_Why am I always alone?_

_Always alone._

"Loki, I… I think you deserve to know the truth about me. Why I can't… why we can't…" Her voice trailed off.

She took a deep breath. "I know a good place to talk."

Loki turned on his heel and left.

And all the pain and suffering and rejection of Alana's past came pouring down onto her, and the tears she had suppressed for so long flowed out like water from a broken dam, and she fell to the ground and wept.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, finally got_ that_ out of the way. Yay! **

**Thanks to all those lovely reviewers out there: Isa (Guest), Calliope's Scribe, Hugepuffball, and my other guest reviewers.**

**Leave me a note and tell me if you hate me yet. (Believe me, it's going to get much, _much_, worse... *laughs evilly*)**


	18. Iris

**EIGHTEEN**

* * *

><p><em>And I'd give up forever to touch you<em>

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't wanna go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_When sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't wanna miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_- "Iris," The Goo Goo Dolls_

* * *

><p>Alana lay on the roof, staring at the stars. Their distant light calmed her and soothed her, but could not erase the pain twisting in her chest.<p>

Oliver… the first time she had heard his name in five years. How had Loki known?

She couldn't deny to herself anymore that she loved Loki, and she had finally realized that he was in love with her too. But she couldn't endanger him, she couldn't, and she didn't know what to do.

The memory of the kiss haunted her and she could almost feel Loki's lips pressed to hers and his hand in her hair.

She lay on the roof, and found constellations, familiar, comforting.

The door leading to the roof opened, and footsteps padded silently behind her. Determinedly, with the rest of the strength she had left, she kept her eyes on the stars.

"Forgive me."

Alana was surprised. She had not expected this, to say the least.

Loki lay down next to her on the roof cautiously, as if he expected she would throw him off.

"On Asgard, we have thousands of times more stars. Would you like to see them?" he asked hesitantly.

She nodded, eyes still fixed on the night sky. If she looked at him, she was either going to punch him or kiss him so hard her head spun, and she was trying to restrain herself from the latter.

Loki waved his hand, and in a flash of green light, the ink-black sky grew brighter with the light of a million more stars.

Alana gazed in awe and wonder at Asgard's stars. Some looked so close that she felt she could reach out and touch them.

And though she wished she could, she couldn't put it off any longer.

She owed him that, at least.

"When I was sixteen, my family was killed."

Loki lay beside her in silence. She was grateful. She didn't want to hear empty words.

His silence told her that he knew something about suffering, too.

"It was my fault," she said, bluntly, leaving no room for argument.

Loki turned his head, studying her face.

"I'm a telepath. And telekinetic." She took a deep breath. "When I was sixteen, it just… started happening. It was like a section of my brain had been unlocked. I could read minds, move things… I thought I was going crazy."

Loki's eyes searched hers, seeing the pain written there, the pain that came with her memories.

"Most of my friends left. I never told them, but they didn't understand, they were… scared, I guess. Of me. And then, one day, there were these boys."

She shivered involuntarily. "They weren't very smart, but they had realized that something was different about me. They cornered me one day after school, and tried to find out. I refused to tell them anything, but I got so mad that the walls just came down. On them."

She looked curiously at Loki, whose face was full of loathing, his jaw clenched. She smiled a bit at his hatred of these boys, whose names he did not know, just for daring to hurt her.

It was rather endearing.

"They were hospitalized, but the event made the papers. And, a week later…" a tear sprang to her eye, "my parents were killed."

Haltingly, she explained to him the fear of that night, the terror, watching her parents murdered and her brother captured. She told him of the kidnapper, of his plots and murderous intent, what she had been forced to do, of her brothers' death, and how she had barely been saved.

"That's when I was shot," she said, rubbing her collarbone, the scar white in the starlight. "And when I woke up, I promised myself that I would never use my powers again. They took too many people I loved."

As Alana finished her story, Loki now realized how she had known he was an outcast, and a Jotunn, and why she had responded to his thoughts in her sleep.

"At the beach," he said, "you said 'I love you, too' after I thought that I loved you."

Alana blushed a little. "Apparently I can't control my powers when I'm asleep."

"Then you said, 'Goodnight, Oliver.' "

Alana looked up at the stars again. " 'I love you, too. Goodnight, Oliver,' was the last thing I ever said to my little brother before he was killed."

Loki's cool fingers intertwined with hers and she squeezed his hand gratefully, taking a shaky breath.

"And it was my fault, Loki, and that's why I can't do this, because everyone close to me, everyone that I love, always ends up dead because of me. And if you died, Loki, I just, I just don't think I could take it."

"Look at me, Alana."

She looked into his eyes and saw a determination there.

"It was not your fault."

She averted her eyes. "Loki, I've heard this before. I know it was my fault."

"No, it was not. You did nothing wrong, Alana. It was he who killed your parents and your brother."

"I existed, Loki. If I didn't have my powers, none of this would have happened."

"You're right. None of this would have happened. I would be dead or in chains. You would not know me and I would not know you."

He smiled sadly. "I would not love you."

Alana lay there, feeling a glimmer of hope in her heart. "It wasn't my fault?" she asked, like a small child seeking reassurance.

"No. No, it wasn't, Alana. I promise."

A tear slipped out of her eye. Loki wiped it away with his thumb. "Are you sad?" he asked.

"No," she said softly, "I'm happy. So, so happy."

They lay there together, hands entwined, for maybe ten minutes in silence.

Then Loki began to tell her his story.

"I was found after a great battle between the Jotunns and the Aesir. Odin found me, a runt Jotunn baby, in the rubble, and decided to take me back to Asgard when he picked me up and my skin changed to Aesir. I was to be a bargaining chip for the future."

He sighed. "Thor was my older brother, and I looked up to him, I loved him, but as I grew I realized that he was full of pride and would destroy all who got in his way. All of our lives, Odin would remind us that only one could be king. And Thor was too hotheaded to be king."

"As children and as princes growing up in Asgard, we had no shortage of friends. Not true friends, mind you. Or perhaps they were truly Thor's friends, but not mine. I was the dark haired one, who did not even look like he belonged. My talents lay in magic, not in fighting, and so I was further mocked. My brother was the golden boy, and I the shadow."

He said all this bitterly, as if bearing a heavy burden.

"When Father chose Thor to be king, I was angry. He was not ready. And I wanted to be king. So I traveled to Jotunheim and made a bargain with the Jotunn king Laufey. I smuggled a pair of frost giants into Asgard's weapons vault. They disrupted the ceremony, as I had planned."

He smirked. "I am the god of mischief, after all."

"That was wrong," Alana said quietly, sitting up, studying his face. "Your mischief killed those two Jotunns, didn't it?"

The smirk fell off Loki's face. "I know."

He took a deep breath, sat up, and continued, "Thor was infuriated. He insisted on going to Jotunheim to make the Jotunns pay. I tried to talk him out of it, but he shook me off, like always. When we got there, he behaved with all his usual lack of tact and almost got us all killed. A fight broke out. One of his friends was injured when a frost giant grabbed his arm. 'Don't let them touch you!' he cried. I heard too late. But I was not injured when a Jotunn grabbed me. My arm turned blue."

Alana smiled, remembering his Jotunn form.

"I smote the giant and my arm faded back, but I knew that something was wrong. Odin came and took us back to Asgard and banished Thor to Earth. And I was satisfied, but for the knowledge that had come to me."

He grimaced.

"I stole away to the Weapons Vault, and lifted the Casket of Ancient Winters. My arms turned blue again, and I suppose my face did as well. Odin came, and I grew angry with him, but more at myself. He revealed my true parentage. My father was Laufey. Now I knew why I could not rule, why Odin loved Thor more than me. I was infuriated with him. Then, he fell into the Odinsleep. With Thor gone and Odin incapacitated, I could now rule. I planned to destroy the Jotunns."

His voice broke. "I was so angry, Alana. I wanted them all to die. So, I visited Thor and told him that father had died and that he would never be allowed back on Asgard again. Then I traveled to Jotunheim and told Laufey that I wished for him to kill Odin. They trusted me and came with me. Before they could kill Odin, I killed them. I killed my father."

Alana stroked the back of his hand gently.

"I then returned to Asgard and sent the Destroyer to kill my brother. However, he escaped and returned to Asgard, just as I was about to destroy Jotunheim using the Bifrost. We fought. He destroyed the Bifrost, and we fell. I held the scepter of Asgard, which Thor held, and he held onto Odin, who had awoken, with the other. I realized that Odin would not understand me, ever. And so I let go, and fell."

His eyes were full of pain and the shadow of his past.

"I wanted to die, Alana. I wanted it to be over. Forever. I was just so weary, so weary. I just wanted to die."

He smiled. "And then I landed here."

Alana stood up slowly, gazing at him.

He stood up too, and waited silently for her judgment, her decision, her repulsion.

She stepped towards him and cradled his face in her hands.

"I didn't think that I could love you," she said softly. "But now that I can, know that I will always, _always_ love you, no matter what. You may stray towards the dark, but I will always pull you back."

"Do you promise?" Loki whispered.

Her hands drifted around to clasp behind his neck. "I promise," she breathed.

She kissed him, softly, tenderly, her fingers twining in the dark hair on the nape of his neck.

Loki felt the tension that had been in the pit of his heart since Asgard drain away and he kissed her back, his arms curling around her waist.

And there they stood, the telepath and the trickster, finally together, finally at peace, embracing by the light of Asgard's stars.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you all for over 3,500 views! And thanks to my reviewers from the last chapter, Hugepuffball and Isa (Guest). You guys are awesome.**

**And now they're happy, and adorable, and everything is fluffy right now! So go ahead and enjoy it... while it lasts.**

***thunders ominously in distance***

**Ohh, I hate myself.**

**Drop a review, please!**


	19. You Fight Me

**NINETEEN**

* * *

><p><em>I don't know what isn't real,<em>

_But it's easy _

_To beat me._

_(Suck it in)_

_Life is sink or swim._

_Love is blinding, no surviving._

_I don't know what I want to be yet_

_But I can show that I need to see this._

_No time for lies or empty fights,_

_I'm on your side._

- _"You Fight Me," Breaking Benjamin_

* * *

><p>Loki hadn't dared to sleep all night.<p>

He thought that if he drifted off, he might wake up and find everything to be just a dream.

Instead, he held Alana, his pale arms wrapped around her; he studied her face, relaxed and peaceful in sleep. Her chest rose and fell gently as she breathed, her lashes dark against her porcelain skin.

As they lay on the roof that night, the temperature had dropped, and noticing her shivering, he had given her his sweater.

It was large on her, but she had gratefully curled up in it, eventually falling asleep in his arms as the stars twinkled and the earth spun.

The sun was rising over the trees now, the sky shot through with pale purple and gold and yet his gaze rested firmly on her. She was more beautiful than the sun, than the sky, and she was finally his.

Her pale eyes fluttered as she yawned, shifting and burying her face into his chest.

"Morning," she murmured, voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

He kissed the top of her head. "I love you," he said simply.

He could feel her smiling. "What was that for?" she asked sleepily.

"I waited too long to tell you. I'm trying to make up for it now."

Her arms curled around him and she let out a sigh of perfect contentment.

"Can we stay here forever?" she murmured, still caught in sleep's embrace.

"Of course," Loki said, fingers playing with her hair, rich and glowing in the morning sunlight.

"I didn't have any nightmares," she yawned. "Probably the first night in… five years?"

He stroked her hair.

She untangled herself and stared into his eyes, all traces of sleepiness gone. "It's because of you, you know."

She kissed him lightly, soft lips pressing to his.

"Thank you. You've set me free."

He pulled her closer to him, breathing in her smell, hands caressing her face, lips barely touching hers. Her eyes fluttered as he kissed her, slow and deep.

When he broke the kiss, she yawned again, curling up against his chest. "Did you sleep at _all_?"

"No," he answered truthfully.

"Don't worry," she smiled. "I promise not to disappear."

"Well, in that case…"

He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun's rays. Alana was already dropping off again, her body cradled against his.

He let sleep take him, content and at peace with the world.

* * *

><p>In the weeks that followed, Alana slowly started to use her powers again.<p>

It wasn't that she was out of practice, though she supposed she was, not using them for five years. It was more like her mind had been resting and had just woken up.

Not using her powers had not come easily to her, but neither did giving in, and she wasn't going to let herself be swept along by her own mind.

She started small, throwing things and pushing things, opening doors, picking locks, that sort of thing.

Loki supported her throughout it. The first time she had thrown him something without looking, he was stunned almost into silence.

But going slow was boring.

She knew she had to take it one day at a time, but she wanted to _fight._

And so this was how she and Loki came to spar for the first time.

* * *

><p>"Ready?" Alana grinned, twirling her dagger in her hand, her breath steaming in the cold air.<p>

She had outfitted them with weapons, but no armor. This was mainly because she didn't have any, other than her bulletproof vest, and anyways, she trusted Loki not to hurt her.

Loki shrugged, saying, "I suppose. Are you sure - "

"I'm _so_ gonna beat you up."

Loki smirked. "You can try."

She smiled mischievously and said, "Go on, then."

She stood her ground, arms held at her sides.

"Alana – "

"Attack me! Come on. I trust you."

Sighing heavily, Loki began to circle her, feet silent on the frozen ground. "Attacking is really more Thor's style."

"Just shut up and fight me, Laufeyson."

Rolling his eyes, he started with a quick stab to her shoulder.

That is, he _would_ have stabbed her shoulder if his blade hadn't bounced off four inches away.

He raised his eyebrows and tried a slash, then another stab, aiming for different parts of her body. All were repelled by her telekinetic "bubble."

"That's handy," he commented.

She smirked and then, faster than he could see, swept his legs out from under him. "It's on," she said.

Loki rolled and came up in a fighting stance. "It's definitely on."

She went on offense almost immediately, alternately trying to stab him with her dagger and pushing him with her powers. Loki was left with defense, parrying her dagger strokes and trying not to get thrown across the field when necessary.

They locked blades again and again, each trying to obtain the upper hand. Loki was a better fighter, but Alana had her powers.

She used her skills to her advantage, darting around him throwing telekinetic punches, using her telepathy to know what he was about to do.

When she disarmed him and held her dagger to his throat, he let out a small smile.

"Yield?" she asked, only slightly out of breath.

Instead of answering, he let the illusion of himself disappear. Alana looked confused for a split second, then turned, eyes raking the field. Loki, who had snuck up behind her, became visible, and quickly reached out to grab and twist her wrist, forcing her to drop her weapon. He then slid his dagger out from his sleeve and pressed it to her neck.

"Do you?" he said smoothly.

"Aww," she said, yielding reluctantly, but with a smile on her face. "I thought I had you."

"Forever."

He spun her around and kissed her, long and deep. She let out a little noise of surprise, then melted in his arms.

When he broke the kiss, she looked dazed. "I think that's cheating," she managed.

"Oh, I _never_ play fair."

He kissed her again, lightly.

"Never."

Lost in the moment, neither of them noticed the black car watching silently from the road, concealed by the trees.

Neither of them knew that their time was ticking down.

* * *

><p>Coulson had been coming for a random check on Alana and Loki. Mostly, to make sure that one or the other wasn't dead. As the car moved slowly up the road, he caught a glimpse of metal flashing inside her yard.<p>

"Stop," he said. The agent (rookie) promptly slammed on the brakes, causing him to lurch forward.

Massaging his shoulder, he peered through the trees. "Pass me the binoculars," he ordered. Looking through them, he muttered an expletive. "Guns ready, agents."

His crew obligingly readied their weapons, looking through the window curiously. Their jaws hit the floor.

Alana and Loki were in the middle of an intense battle, daggers flashing on daggers. They spun and twisted with such accuracy and precision that it looked like a dance.

And she was using her powers.

Coulson sucked in a breath. Of all the times that _he _had to decide on a random check, this was quite probably the most terrible time ever.

"Should we shoot him, sir?" a young agent asked. "No," Coulson said. "You'll hit her too, they're fighting too close." Obviously. _Rookies,_ he thought wryly. _Of all the time to have rookies. _"If he is poised to kill though, shoot him."

Alana was winning, he noticed in surprise. Her telepathy was clearly at work, as she was countering his blows almost before they came. Perhaps Fury had been right about her after all.

He relaxed slightly as she disarmed him, holding the point of her dagger to his throat. Her mouth moved, but he couldn't make out the words.

Suddenly, Loki's body shimmered and faded in a burst of green light. "Damn." Coulson swore. "Get ready, men!"

Alana looked confused, turning around, but he was nowhere to be found.

He appeared, quick as lightning, behind her, forcing her to drop her weapon, pressing his own to her neck.

The agents moved nervously. "Should we fire, sir?"

Coulson was on the verge of giving the order to fire when he noticed something strange.

She was _smiling._

What the hell?

And then Loki twirled her around and _kissed _her.

Coulson was stunned into silence. Was this some sort of a trick of his? What was he doing?

What was _she _doing?

Loki broke the kiss and they spoke for a second, then he kissed her again.

"Damn it, Cooper," Coulson muttered. "What have you done?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Man, I just can't give them a break, can I? **

**You asked for longer chapters, guys, and I'm happy to present you with _another_ 2,000 word chapter! Yay!**

**And thank you all for 4,000 views! You're the best.**

**Please drop me a review... they are loved very much.**


	20. Runaway

** TWENTY**

* * *

><p><em>Graffiti decorations<em>

_Under a sky of dust_

_A constant wave of tension_

_On top of broken trust_

_The lessons that you taught me_

_I learn were never true_

_Now I find myself in question_

_(They point the finger at me again)_

_Guilty by association_

_(You point the finger at me again)_

_- "Runaway," Linkin Park_

* * *

><p>Alana was cuddled up next to Loki on the couch in the TV room. She was making him watch all the Star Wars movies. Being a fervent believer in order, she had made him watch A New Hope first, then the rest of the original movies. Currently, they were watching Attack of the Clones.<p>

Her brother had always called this the "sappy love one," protesting "all they do is kiss!"

It was funny that Loki had said almost the same thing. "Enough with the kissing, Anakin!" he had yelled once. "Go kill Palpatine! He's evil!" She laughed so hard her sides hurt.

She loved him even more every day, learning the little things about him. He didn't like pepper on his meat. He liked Shakespeare. He got up early and made her breakfast. He would sometimes sneak into her bedroom at night and hold her in his arms. (The first time he had done this, she'd almost punched him in fright and surprise.) His eyes sparkled when he was amused, like that one time when she accidentally set a steak on fire.

But she loved his flaws, too. He was not perfect, but neither was she.

She studied his face in the dim light of the flickering screen, paying no attention to the movie anymore. He was still absorbed, watching Padmé and Anakin about to go into the arena.

When Anakin kissed Padmé again, Loki sighed in exasperation and muted the TV.

"Hey!" Alana said, startled out of her contemplation.

He smirked. "I know you weren't watching anymore."

She blushed a little, cheeks reddening.

"And," he said softly, his hand reaching for her face, "it bothers me that no one's kissing _you._"

"Anyone in mind?" she asked breathlessly. How could he _still_ do this to her?

"Mm. Yes."

And then he was kissing her, thumbs brushing her cheeks, lips warm and fingers cold, and he tasted like ice and metal and something she couldn't name, and she kissed him too, her hands in his hair, while in the background Anakin was being charged by a giant monster.

It was very romantic. Until the phone rang.

Alana recognized the ringtone, and tried to get up, but Loki caught her wrist and pulled her back. "Loki, I have to get that."

"No, you don't. You need to come kiss me."

"Loki, that's Coulson. I can't _not_ pick it up, he'll think something's up - "

He wrapped his arms around her more tightly. "No."

"God, you're stubborn." She used her telekinesis and pulled the phone to her ear. "Hello, Agent Coulson."

"Agent Cooper." He sounded even more uncomfortable than usual. "We need you to come in."

"Hmm," she said, not hearing. Loki was planting little kisses down her neck and she was a _bit_ distracted. "Wait, what?"

"Agent Cooper, is this a bad time?"

_Yes_, Loki mouthed. She pushed him playfully and said, "No, sorry, I was in the middle of watching a movie and got a bit distracted."

Coulson sighed a little and said, "We need you to come in. It's a top-priority thing that Fury wants you on."

That made her sit up straight. "I _am_ on a top-priority assignment. Or is the prisoner supposed to be released now?"

Loki made a mock-pouty face. _Not nice_, he mouthed.

"No, but… Cooper, this is more important."

"More important than the safety of the world?"

_That's rude,_ Loki mouthed.

"It _is_ about the safety of the world."

"And I'm supposed to just leave him here and _hope_ he doesn't escape and attack New York?"

"No. Bring him with you. We'll watch him while you're busy."

Loki overheard this bit and glared at the phone.

Alana didn't like it either, but what could she do? _Hey boss, well, I'm_ really_ in love with the prisoner, so, you know, we just want to spend time together. That okay with you?_

She sighed. "When do you want me there?"

"Both of you. Tomorrow. As early as possible."

"Fine. Goodbye, Coulson."

"Goodbye, Cooper."

She hung up and pushed the phone through the air, dropping it onto a plush chair. "Well," she said, trying to make light of it, "you up for a road trip tomorrow?"

Loki got up and switched off the TV. "I don't like it. At all. They're splitting us up. We could be in danger."

Alana tucked her legs under her. "It's Coulson. And it's S.H.I.E.L.D. They wouldn't hurt me, I _work _for them. And you're a prisoner, they can't legally hurt you either. They don't even know that there _is_ an us."

"Still." He turned to her, green eyes filled with worry. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

She smiled and stretched out her arms. "I'll be fine. I promise. Now, I think we were in the middle of something?"

"Temptress," Loki muttered under his breath, but he kissed her all the same.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Alana dressed in her S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform and Loki in his plainest clothes (he <em>was<em> a prisoner), meeting downstairs to a light breakfast. Conversation was light as well, full of banter.

She locked up the house, and turned to Loki standing close to her. "I'll miss you," he murmured. "Save the world quickly so I can see you again."

"It won't be too long. I promise." She hugged him. "And I'll miss you too."

"Kiss for the road?" Loki asked.

"If you insist," she smiled, hands still around his neck, pulling him in for one last sweet kiss before their journey.

A small camera in the fence, planted by Coulson, saw it all. And Coulson, miles away, saw it too, and sighed. It was undeniable. They had formed a romantic relationship. Alana couldn't be trusted to guard him anymore. _And_ she was using her powers. It was a dangerous combination. If he could manage to turn her, nothing would stop her.

He had to stop it before it got that far.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Uh oh. Bad times ahead...**

**Thanks for 5,000+ views! You guys are fantastic.**

**Please, please, please drop a review! They really make my day.**

**Love, masterofthefall**


	21. Skyfall

**TWENTY-ONE**

* * *

><p><em>This is the end<em>

_Hold your breath and count to ten_

_Feel the earth move and then_

_Hear my heart burst again_

_For this is the end_

_I've drowned and dreamt this moment_

_So overdue I owe them_

_Swept away, I'm stolen_

_Let the sky fall_

_When it crumbles_

_We will stand tall_

_Face it all together_

_Let the sky fall_

_When it crumbles_

_We will stand tall_

_Face it all together_

_At skyfall_

_- "Skyfall," Adele_

* * *

><p>They had arrived without a fuss. Loki was actually an incredible actor, putting a look of disdain and boredom on his face as easily as it could possibly be. When the guard had waved their car through the gate, he dropped the façade and winked at her, but when Alana rolled down the window again his face changed in the blink of an eye.<p>

They were escorted out the car after parking, and Loki had mockingly held out his hands to one of the guards for handcuffs. They looked like they would have _liked_ to cuff him, but a stern glance from Alana quelled that.

They were shown into a wide hallway with many doors. "Tenth door on the right," an agent said, ushering them inside, and closing the doors behind them.

"Something's wrong," Alana whispered. "I can feel it. I think there's someone - "

And hordes of armored S.H.I.E.L.D. agents poured out of the doors on either side, plowing towards them, yanking them in opposite directions from each other.

"Alana!" Loki yelled, all pretense dropping, his hand stretching out for hers. "Let go of me!" he hissed at the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents pulling him from her. His magic was plentiful, and incapacitated some, but the agents were many, and he couldn't, he couldn't grab her.

"Loki!" Alana cried, lashing out with her mind, knocking agents off their feet, pushing away her assailants telekinetically, throwing them down the hallway, but scores more were flooding into the hallway, and she was being overwhelmed too.

The long, pale fingers of Loki's hand reached for her, stretching, straining, and her fingers strained back. They were so close, so close, so close…

And then a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent whipped out a syringe from his pocket, shooting it into Alana's neck.

"No!" Loki screamed. But it was too late. He could see her eyes fluttering, her body swaying and finally slumping back into the arms of two agents, who lifted her up and carried her away.

"No! No, you can't – "

And then a needle sunk its way into his neck, too, and he struggled to hold on to reality, but it slowly slipped away, ceiling swimming, leaving nothing but darkness.

* * *

><p>After about an hour, Loki came to, in a small room, bare except for a cot and an exposed fluorescent light.<p>

His head was pounding, and he couldn't remember where he was or what had happened to him.

A scream rang out from down the hallway, and his memories came flooding back.

"Alana!" he yelled, and rushed to the door, but it was locked.

She screamed again, and he tried to magic the door open, but in his rage and terror he was unable to.

How dare they hurt her? She was a member of S.H.I.E.L.D., damn it! She was _his_, and once they let him out –

The door opened and Coulson walked in, calm and collected.

"Hello, Loki," he said.

If Loki had had a dagger, Coulson would have been dead before he could take his idiotic sunglasses off of his head.

Since he didn't, he decided to _stare_ daggers at him instead.

"How dare you hurt her. How dare you. She was defenseless, she was only trying – "

Coulson cut him off, saying, "I don't believe telekinesis counts as ever being defenseless."

"Why is she screaming?" Loki spat out. "What are you doing to her?"

Coulson said, "Nothing."

Loki glared at him.

"I don't believe you."

"It's true. She's only sedated, she should be asleep. But she keeps screaming. We have a pain indicator, and it's showing a zero. But her brain waves are off the charts. She's not in pain. Just screaming."

"Oh, just screaming," Loki spat.

"We're getting some of her friends in to try and calm her down."

He listened to someone speaking in his earpiece.

"Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton are in there now."

Silence filled the room until Loki spoke again.

"What do you plan to do with her?"

Coulson sighed. "She is too dangerous to continue on in the way she has. Especially with you."

Loki's eyes narrowed, his hands clenched.

"We're going to wipe her memory. It will be wiped of her powers and of… you."

Loki's silence was more dangerous than his outright fury.

Another scream rang out, echoing down the corridors.

Coulson left.

* * *

><p>Inside a hospital room, Agents Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton stood beside a bed.<p>

Natasha sighed. They had tried everything they could think of, but Alana still screamed. She was angry, and upset.

She had felt the foreboding, deep in her gut, when Alana had been assigned to watch the prisoner; she was so new. It was her first real assignment. And it was a dangerous one too. But Alana had called Natasha, told her that Loki didn't seem to be a bad person, that he just needed a friend.

And look where she was now, where _he_ had gotten her, in a hospital bed, screaming, attached to consoles with so many wires, _so _many wires, and her mind would be wiped of everything and –

She took a deep breath, detaching herself from the moment. It was something she was good at.

Beside her, Clint rubbed his neck. "I can't stay here," he murmured. Natasha glanced at him, briefly. "Go," she said.

Clint took one last glance at Alana, and then left. Natasha knew that Alana was like a little sister to him.

She would never admit it, but she didn't want to stay either.

* * *

><p>Loki pressed his head against the cold concrete wall. It was his fault. All his fault. And she wouldn't remember, she wouldn't remember <em>anything<em>.

Anything.

It seemed so long ago that they had been watching movies on the couch, carefree and at ease. So long ago that night under the stars. So long ago.

Alana screamed again and he shuddered.

Coulson reentered the room silently.

"What do you want now?" Loki hissed. "What more will you do? How can you bring me lower?"

Coulson cleared his throat. "We need you."

"I refuse," he said, his head still pressed to the wall.

Coulson said, "I don't think you quite understand – "

"But I do," said Loki, and he turned towards Coulson, pure anger and pain filling his eyes. "You want me to hold her while she screams, to reassure her that it will be alright, that everything will be fine. And then she will forget me. You expect me to _help_ you? While you do this? While you kill her? No."

Coulson closed his eyes, briefly. "Loki, the way she's struggling right now, if we don't get her calmed down, her whole mind will die if we attempt to wipe it."

"So let her _go_."

"We can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't."

The word was simple, balding. You didn't need to be god of lies to see their truth.

And Loki knew that he couldn't leave her now, couldn't let her go at this alone.

"Fine."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Whaaat? Another update, so soon? It's the next day, for crying out loud! I _never_ do that! I make you wait for _ages_...**

**But... thanks to some very lovely reviews (kudos to Fantasy-Mania31 and kadrules2014!) one of which requested an update ASAP... here you are!**

**And I know, it is in _no way_ a good ****chapter. At all. Sorry. (Believe me, it actually killed me to write the next chapter.)**

**Sorry again.**

**Poor Alana.**

**Drop a review and tell me how much you hate me. ;D (More reviews=faster updates!)**

**- masterofthefall**


	22. Prelude 1221

**TWENTY-TWO**

* * *

><p><em>This is what I brought you, this you can keep,<em>

_This is what I brought, you may forget me._

_I promise to depart just promise one thing,_

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

_This is what I brought you, this you can keep,_

_This is what I brought, you may forget me._

_I promise you my heart just promise to sing,_

_Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

_- "Prelude 12/21," AFI_

* * *

><p>Loki walked down the hall, escorted by S.H.I.E.L.D. agents on all sides and felt a strong burst of déja vu.<p>

Had it really only been a year ago that he had been lying in a hospital like this, wounded and afraid?

Only a year that he had known her?

Only a year that he had loved her?

He closed his eyes briefly, steeling himself for the sight of seeing Alana. Was she bruised? Was she broken? Would she recognize him?

Another scream rang out and he flinched.

He walked toward her door. His hand rested on the cool metal of the doorknob.

He wanted to turn and run. He wanted to flee back to before, to when everything was fine and perfect.

But he couldn't.

He turned the knob.

As Loki stepped into the room, Alana stopped thrashing abruptly. The doctors and nurses looked at the screens in disbelief. Her mental distress had gone down to almost nothing the second he set foot inside the room.

Loki heard nothing, saw nothing, but for Alana. His eyes were solely on her.

She lay in a white bed, looking small amidst the crumpled sheets. Electrodes on her head attached to wires, which attached to machines. So many machines.

So many wires.

He knelt down beside her bed and took her hand.

"Alana," he whispered. "Can you hear me?"

In the background, a doctor scoffed. There was no way she could possible surface, much less hear him. There were too many sedatives in her bloodstream; it just wasn't possible. There was no way she could hear him. No way she could wake up.

Loki paid him no attention. He knew the strength of her mind. He squeezed her hand. "Alana. Wake up."

Slowly, as if emerging from deep beneath the water, Alana opened her eyes.

The doctors stood still, stunned, frozen.

"Loki?" she murmured.

"Yes, it's me," he said softly.

"Where… am I?"

"Shhh. It's okay. Everything's okay, I promise."

"Liar," she breathed, a faint smile on her face.

Loki closed his eyes briefly; he could not let her see him cry.

"No. You're right. I'm sorry, Alana, I'm so, _so_ sorry."

"What's going on, Loki? Please…" she said softly.

"Alana…"

"Tell me, Loki." Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"They're going to erase your memory," he said with sorrow in his voice, in his heart, so deep that it went through his very core, ripping him apart.

Alana sighed. "I won't… remember you?"

"No."

"Oh, Loki," she breathed, tears in her eyes now as well.

"I love you, Alana." He tightened his grip on her hand as though it would stop her memory flooding away.

He couldn't let this happen. But he was powerless to stop it.

A single tear slipped out of his eye. Alana reached up, straining against the grip the drugs held on her. She brushed away his tear. Loki turned his head to the side and kissed her palm, closing his eyes.

"Don't cry, Loki… it's not the end."

He looked at her sadly. How could she possibly believe that?

Her head sank back onto the pillows.

"Just forget me, Alana. It would be safer. Easier."

"But I can't do that," she said sadly. "I _won't_ do that."

"Then remember that I love you, and that will be enough. Remember that you won the love of the son of Laufey. Remember that you have his heart, and I will be content."

Alana took a deep breath. "Will it hurt?" she asked.

Loki looked at the doctors. They nodded.

He sighed. "Yes."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I'm ready."

The doctors moved around, preparing the instruments.

Alana whispered, "I will always love you, Loki Laufeyson." A tear dripped out of her closed eye.

Loki kissed her forehead, gently, hating himself.

The doctors began.

It was torture.

He held her hand, and she screamed, arching her back and writhing. Loki could see on the monitors that her pain level was only rising, and wished that he were in her place. Her mind was relatively calm, though, as long as Loki held her hand and whispered to her, telling her to hold on, that he loved her, that it would be all right.

He never thought he would hate himself so much for lying.

At least an hour passed. Loki could feel her strength waning. "How much longer?" he snapped at the doctors. The main doctor looked nervous and unsure of how to respond.

"We're almost past her mental barriers. Once we break them, then it will be about ten minutes."

Loki gazed at Alana, still fighting, after all this time. Fighting to keep her memories, fighting for Loki. She was so much stronger than he was.

Alana let out one last scream and lay still, limp as a rag doll, but for her hand, which still gripped Loki's tightly.

An expression of relief broke across the main doctor's face. "Commencing mind wipe," he said, almost smugly.

Loki wanted to break his neck.

Alana's body was still, but he could see her eyes moving rapidly beneath her eyelids. Was she relieving her memories, their memories?

Her hand grew limp in Loki's, and a final tear slipped out of her eye.

"Mind wipe complete."

Loki sat there, unseeing, unfeeling. His heart was gone, taken with her memories. He was an empty shell. He did not fight when the agents came to take him away.

He went with them in silence.

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><p><strong>AN: :'(**

**Thanks for the lovely responses from ScarlettO'Hara2011, Kieira, and Fantasy-Mania31.**

**Please review!**


	23. Fade Away

**TWENTY-THREE**

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><p><em>I'm cold and broken <em>

_It's over I didn't want to see it come to this _

_I wonder if I will ever see your face again _

_And I know that I will find a way to shed my skin _

_It's simple I know that I will suffer in the end _

_Fast I fade away _

_It's almost over _

_Hold on _

_Slow I suffocate _

_I'm cold and broken _

_Alone _

_It's hopeless, the end will come and wash it all away _

_Forsaken, I live for those I lost along the way _

_And I can't remember how it all began to break _

_You suffer, I live to fight and die another day _

_- "Fade Away," Breaking Benjamin_

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><p>Two weeks had passed since Alana had been taken from him.<p>

Two weeks he had lain on the cot in the concrete room, numb and suffering.

Two weeks had passed, and she was about to be released from the hospital.

Coulson had told him that he was about to be moved to a different facility at the same time.

He didn't care.

He didn't care about anything but revenge anymore.

Revenge against S.H.I.E.L.D. for taking her away from him. Revenge against Thor and against Odin for sending him here in the first place.

Revenge against this entire _damn _world for not allowing their love.

He would get his revenge.

But he couldn't very well do that from inside a cell, now, could he?

So for the first time in a year, he began to plot and plan, his heart finally completely gone and only one goal in his mind.

_Escape._

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><p>Alana was feeling much better now.<p>

She had woken up in an unfamiliar hospital, surrounded by a platoon of doctors and one extremely uncomfortable-looking man in sunglasses.

_Coulson_, she had remembered with difficulty, pulling the name forward from a haze of pain. That was his name.

He had explained to her that she had been wounded in combat and that S.H.I.E.L.D. had brought her here to heal.

When she said she couldn't remember anything from her sixteenth year or her twentieth to twenty-second, (apparently her birthday had passed while she was in the hospital) he said that she had been diagnosed with amnesia and that her memories might never come back.

As she tried to take all of that in, her memories just _gone, _vanished with a single battle, he mentioned that it was probably best that she couldn't remember how she'd been hurt, that she definitely shouldn't want to.

A female doctor with short red hair who looked slightly out of place scowled at him when he said that, her hands flexing unconsciously as if she wanted to strangle him.

Alana had stifled a giggle, thinking that they probably would have been friends if circumstances were different.

But she never saw the female doctor again, and had recuperated alone. She didn't really mind so much.

Except, one time, she had been downstairs in the lobby and heard a beautiful melody being played on the piano. She had walked towards it, trying to see who was playing, but her head ached sharply and she had instead been walking down the hallway of her house, towards a bedroom from which music was emanated. She cracked open the door, but before she could see who was playing, she found herself back in the hospital.

When she mentioned it to Coulson, he had looked like a deer in the headlights, but then a doctor passing by told her that it was probably a flashback, something that might have happened during her amnesia.

As she had walked away, she thought she heard Coulson whisper, "You weren't supposed to tell her the _truth_."

All this puzzled her, but she couldn't make sense of it all, so she pushed it to the back of her mind.

She was finally being released, after two weeks and a clean bill of health… except for the amnesia.

As she walked towards the car that S.H.I.E.L.D. had provided to take her back to her house, she felt as if someone was watching her and turned around.

There, down a slight hill, another person was being prodded into the backseat of another S.H.I.E.L.D. car. And was he… handcuffed?

She supposed she shouldn't be surprised, the hospital _was _a government one, and they probably fixed up criminals there too.

She couldn't make out his face, but something in the way he was struggling almost seemed like he was trying to run towards her.

But that was ridiculous.

So she turned and walked back up to the car, and she did not look back again.

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><p><em>End of Book One<em>

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for 6,000 views, guys! One book down... and plenty of feels for you, I'm sure! Thanks for sticking with me! Please drop a review and tell me if I should continue, or if you hate me, or Coulson, or... you know, if you liked it. ;D**


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